Wrestling With Wrestling

I have been perplexed by the sport of wrestling since I was a small child. I am talking about "real" wrestling here, not the "fake" kind with Hulk Hogan and Baron Von Rashke - that was actually kind of cool. I am talking about organized, let's practice in the high school gym kind of wrestling. Why two sweaty men in leotards would want to roll around on a mat and try to pin each other down is beyond me. Now, hold on right here. I am not questioning the toughness, conditioning or manhood of anyone out there who may have wrestled growing up. I have a couple of good friends who grappled growing up, and I've brought this up to them. I simply cannot understand why a person would put themselves through that. Here are some reasons why I think this way about wrestling:

1. Fasting. In order to "qualify" for a certain weight class, a wrestler may be forced to "fast" to drop a few pounds in a hurry. This is crazy talk, and quite unhealthy, I would have to imagine. Back in High School, I saw quite a few guys sipping water and nearly hallucinating because they were "trying to drop a few pounds." To make matters worse, I saw a few wing-nuts running stairs in snowmobile suits on 89-degree days "to drop a few pounds." Think about this. That's a good way to "drop a few pounds - and brain cells" along the way. Or have a stroke.

2. Wrestling coaches. Simply put, 100% crazy. Very good chance of being anger-management candidates. I apologize to anyone who might have a wrestling coach in the family, but it's true. Admit it.

3. Leotards. Enough said.

4. Getting your ass kicked. I don't care how many pounds you drop by torturing yourself, the other wing-nuts on the other team are doing the same thing. You will eventually have to grapple with someone meaner, crazier, and more deranged than yourself. You will get your ass kicked. No question about it.

5. Cauliflower ears. Wrestlers have wear this head gear to protect themselves (irony). The head gear, coupled with getting your face smashed into the mat over and over and over and over and over and over and over will give you "cauliflower ears." I am not making this up. This cannot help with dating in those awkward teen-age years. Never heard of cauliflower ears? Here is a picture:

http://www.rawc.org/cauliflower.jpg

6. Herpes. Yes, you read that correctly. There is a brand-new wrestling wrinkle thrown in now in 2007. According to a published report, the Minnesota State High School league ordered a shutdown of the sport after a recommendation by the Minnesota Department of Heath in the wake of 24 confirmed cases of herpes gladiatorum, (I'll get back to that name in a second) a virus spread by skin to skin contact. Here is the story from the St. Paul Pioneer Press:

http://www.twincities.com/mld/twincities/news/16583830.htm

Say what?

OK - no "big pin" is worth this. Herpes? Now, I don't care that it's not HERPES, it's still in the family. Let me get this straight. Wrestlers with skin lesions - skin lesions - spread the virus through rolling around with other wrestlers, and they had to shut the entire sport down for eight days. Here's some good news, however. Once wrestling starts up again, all wrestlers will be required to strip down and be "inspected" before each match. You just gave me number 7 for my list. Hey, at least there wasn't a enormous spread of crabs through wrestling. How would you like to inspect for that before every match?

You have to admit the name is kind of cool - herpes gladiatorum (you can't make that up). Like "gladiator." There is some self-respect in this. It could have been called herpes sissyatorum or herpes wussatorum. That would have not been good for the boys self-esteem.

I am sure all of this will blow over and the sport of wrestling will be even stronger in the future. Not enough to get me in the stands, however. It's way too dangerous - and bad for your health.

Peace.

Jeff