A. A few of you may remember a post I had about my inability to wrap presents. Check out the new informative and lengthy comment by trebor651 on that post. Quite amazing and insightful, trebor651. If any information could actually help me wrap presents, this is it. Thanks for taking the time to add your excellent comments! Now, I'm not sure who trebor651 is, but that is a minor detail.
B. Not that anyone cares, but the Minnesota Gophers "football team" blew a 31 point lead in something called the Insight Bowl last night. I have been saying for years that Glen Mason is The Single Biggest Fraud in Minnesota sports history - and (believe me) there is some tough competition for that spot. How this guy gets multi-million dollar contract extensions is beyond me. Here is how all Mason-coached Gophers seasons go:
1. Schedule a nunnery, a school for the blind, a D-II school, and a technical college for the first four games. Go 3-1 (lose to nunnery on a bad call).
2. Big Ten schedule starts. Get absolutely beaten like a drum by every team except Indiana, Northwestern and Michigan State. Go 6-5 (see previous comment)!!!
3. A 6-5 record is good enough for a "Bowl Game" because there are now 472 bowl games! Glen Mason comments "There are no bad bowl games." Game to be played on December 29th at midnight on TNT. Yes, Glen, there are bad bowl games.
4. Gophers embarrass themselves and the University on national television.
5. After season, Mason brags about another bowl season, and gets contract extension.
What a complete Fraud. Glen, in case you are reading this, I triple-dog dare you to schedule Cretin-Derham Hall High School next year. Seriously.
C. Jase is coming up on Sunday to watch the Wild play the (hated) Ducks of the hockey-hotbed of Anaheim, California on New Years Eve. If Anonymous, Pantless Wonder, or anyone else wants to meet after the game, let me know! I think Anonymous wants to light off fireworks.
Have a safe and Happy New Year everyone!
Jeff
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Thursday, December 28, 2006
The Dad Band
Some of you may be wondering where the hell I have been the last few days. Some of you may have not noticed I have been gone, and others are on the wrong web site altogether, so sorry about that! I have been celebrating Christmas with the family at the in-laws house which is six hours away. That was a hell of a ride, which is a subject of another blog. Let's just say, if I had a dollar for every time I heard "when are we going to be there," THE CHECK would be looking for a new manager. Actually, the dudes did very well on the long ride there and back. If I would have been in the car for six hours as a kid, I would have been speaking in tongues with my head spinning around. I have been told that I was kind of a handful when I was a child. Lucky I am perfect now, right?
Now, don't worry, readers because my in-laws are fantastic. And I am not just saying that because they read the blog -because they don't. They often get "The Blue Screen of Death" on their computer, so they can't really find the blog. Plus, I don't think they really care what my top ten albums of all time are. At least it didn't come up at Christmas dinner, try as I may.
I want to talk about presents. Somehow, the brown socks and underwear that we bought for the dudes morphed into hockey jerseys and Bionicles and Barbies. The broccoli in the socks turned into Life Savers and bubble gum. All part of the Magic of Christmas. Whoever said Christmas was for kids is dead wrong, however. This will make more sense when you hear about the gift that was given to me by my wife. So hold tight - I have to set the stage.
It was 6:45 AM on Christmas morning when I was awoken by my youngest son. I thought it was about 2:30, but that is neither here nor there. I quickly put clothes on (just kidding - I had jammies on) and rushed downstairs. I took my spot in the corner by the tree, and witnessed wrapping paper flying around the room and children running everywhere. I had not had my coffee yet, and the scotch that I consumed with my father in law (told you they were great) the night before was adding to the confusion. Now, you and I know that the kids have to open their gifts first. You don't want to be the asshole adult that is ripping his boxes open while little Betty is struggling with the bow on her first package. Plus, it is good to be available to put certain toys together so the kids can play right away so all hell does not break loose. By the way, toys also have "easy to assemble" instructions. "Should be completed in 15 minutes!!!" Unless, once again, your name is Jeff and was drinking scotch with your father in law the night before. Then, give yourself until New Years. Let's cut to the chase. Once the kids were done, the adults were free to open our gifts. My wife left the room, and returned with box marked "For Jeff." It was rather large, so I was quite intrigued. I tore open the wrapping with all disregard for etiquette and inside the box was:
A Bass Guitar.
Now, I'm an old tuba guy so I understand the bass lines. I have always associated with bass guys in bands rather than the lead guitarist or lead singer. I don't need the spotlight. Just let me grow my sideburns and camp out in back by the cooler. We all know who really drives the band anyway - bass and drums. There are some fantastic bassists out there, too. Some of the best are Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, the late John Entwistle of the Who, etc. There is only one minor detail left before I join these ranks - I have never played a guitar of any kind in my life. I look at this as a minor detail, however. If Tommy Stinson of the Replacements can learn to play a bass when he was 12, I can learn to play when I'm 40.
The Plan is to start a band with my neighbor Dan, who plays lead guitar. Our other neighbor Charley plays the bagpipes so he is a natural fit. This is going to be good stuff. We are still deciding on a name. Maybe "The Dad Band," or "Pork." We had a name picked out that we liked but our kids band took it - "Get Out of Jim's Yard." They used to wait at the bus stop right in front of our neighbor Jim's house. Jim is a big lawn guy, so we were constantly yelling at them to "get out of Jim's yard!" Cool huh?
Anyway, check back for more details on The Band. We'll be available at the start for neighborhood functions, birthdays, etc. Then, when we hit it huge we'll be playing at Madison Square Garden and stuff.
Peace,
Jeff
Now, don't worry, readers because my in-laws are fantastic. And I am not just saying that because they read the blog -because they don't. They often get "The Blue Screen of Death" on their computer, so they can't really find the blog. Plus, I don't think they really care what my top ten albums of all time are. At least it didn't come up at Christmas dinner, try as I may.
I want to talk about presents. Somehow, the brown socks and underwear that we bought for the dudes morphed into hockey jerseys and Bionicles and Barbies. The broccoli in the socks turned into Life Savers and bubble gum. All part of the Magic of Christmas. Whoever said Christmas was for kids is dead wrong, however. This will make more sense when you hear about the gift that was given to me by my wife. So hold tight - I have to set the stage.
It was 6:45 AM on Christmas morning when I was awoken by my youngest son. I thought it was about 2:30, but that is neither here nor there. I quickly put clothes on (just kidding - I had jammies on) and rushed downstairs. I took my spot in the corner by the tree, and witnessed wrapping paper flying around the room and children running everywhere. I had not had my coffee yet, and the scotch that I consumed with my father in law (told you they were great) the night before was adding to the confusion. Now, you and I know that the kids have to open their gifts first. You don't want to be the asshole adult that is ripping his boxes open while little Betty is struggling with the bow on her first package. Plus, it is good to be available to put certain toys together so the kids can play right away so all hell does not break loose. By the way, toys also have "easy to assemble" instructions. "Should be completed in 15 minutes!!!" Unless, once again, your name is Jeff and was drinking scotch with your father in law the night before. Then, give yourself until New Years. Let's cut to the chase. Once the kids were done, the adults were free to open our gifts. My wife left the room, and returned with box marked "For Jeff." It was rather large, so I was quite intrigued. I tore open the wrapping with all disregard for etiquette and inside the box was:
A Bass Guitar.
Now, I'm an old tuba guy so I understand the bass lines. I have always associated with bass guys in bands rather than the lead guitarist or lead singer. I don't need the spotlight. Just let me grow my sideburns and camp out in back by the cooler. We all know who really drives the band anyway - bass and drums. There are some fantastic bassists out there, too. Some of the best are Flea of the Red Hot Chili Peppers, the late John Entwistle of the Who, etc. There is only one minor detail left before I join these ranks - I have never played a guitar of any kind in my life. I look at this as a minor detail, however. If Tommy Stinson of the Replacements can learn to play a bass when he was 12, I can learn to play when I'm 40.
The Plan is to start a band with my neighbor Dan, who plays lead guitar. Our other neighbor Charley plays the bagpipes so he is a natural fit. This is going to be good stuff. We are still deciding on a name. Maybe "The Dad Band," or "Pork." We had a name picked out that we liked but our kids band took it - "Get Out of Jim's Yard." They used to wait at the bus stop right in front of our neighbor Jim's house. Jim is a big lawn guy, so we were constantly yelling at them to "get out of Jim's yard!" Cool huh?
Anyway, check back for more details on The Band. We'll be available at the start for neighborhood functions, birthdays, etc. Then, when we hit it huge we'll be playing at Madison Square Garden and stuff.
Peace,
Jeff
Friday, December 22, 2006
Deserted Island Tunes - Part II
I know many of you are breathlessly awaiting my final four choices for my top albums. In fact, I witnessed a few people hyperventilating into bags, so I figured I better get this one done. I've received some good comments on the first selections along with some comments that I don't know what the hell they mean. That's the way I like it, though. So, here you go music fans. The last 4 "most influential albums" in my life, along with some honorable mentions.
--The Clash, "London Calling" 1979. The late 1970's were dominated by disco and the mellow top 40 sounds of Peaches and Herb, Air Supply, etc. In response to this, punk music was created. Bands like the Sex Pistols, The Jam, & The Ramones popped up with songs averaging about 3 minutes long and not meant for radio airplay. My favorite, however, was The Clash. The Clash has been referred to as "the only band that matters," and I believe that. They were able to blend true punk spirit with with rock, ska and reggae influence. They also were political, which influenced bands like U2. Joe Strummer and Mick Jones were the new Lennon-McCartney in my eyes. Certain albums can be played decades after their release and still sound new. London Calling is one of those albums.
--Nirvana, "Nevermind" 1991: The early '90's were a bleak time on the music scene. Metal hair-bands like Poison and Warrant ruled the scene. I've always wondered, by the way, how bands with bleached-blond hair, lipstick and full make-up were considered manly men. In 1991, however, a band from Seattle came along that changed the music scene forever. These three guys were as loud as any metal band, but could actually write meaningful songs. The songs on Nevermind came at you like a wall of sound. "Lithium, In Bloom, Come As You Are, Smells Like Teen Spirit, etc." made other music at the time seem inconsequential. Obviously, Kurt Cobain did not meet a good end, but his impact on music is indisputable. And, I loved his appearance on that ridiculous MTV show "the headbangers ball," in which he wore a dress. The host asked him why he was wearing a dress, and he said "He wanted to look good for the Ball." I think that show was cancelled a few weeks later.
--David Bowie, "The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars" 1972: Once again, I can not claim that I listened to this when it was released in 1972 because I was five. I started listening to Bowie as a freshman in college. Can you imagine this album coming out in 1972? Mellow, pot-head bands like America were all the rage, and Bowie puts out an album dressed like a spaceman. The first song, "Five Years," is about the earth having five years left in existence. The rest is about a spaceman coming to Earth. And, to top it off, the songs are outstanding. As the back cover states, "TO BE PLAYED AT MAXIMUM VOLUME."
--Bob Dylan, "Time Out Of Mind" 1997: As everyone knows, Bob Dylan wrote some of the most famous and important songs of all time in the 1960's and '70's, and is widely considered "the voice of a generation." A lot of musicians that have been around as long as Dylan are now playing at Mystic Lake. Even Bob himself hit a rough patch in the 80's in which he became kind of a caricature of himself. In 1997, however, Bob Dylan experienced health problems and put out "Time Out Of Mind." I consider this album to be on par with his work in the 1960's. Not exactly uplifting, the lyrics in his songs spoke of a man unsure of his future. He assembled an all-star band that would be at home in a smoky lounge. Dylan reinvented himself, and proved he is as important today as he was forty years ago.
So there you have it, my top ten albums of all time. I put some serious thought into this, and had to include some honorable mentions. Some of these albums almost made the top ten:
Soul Asylum, "Hang Time" 1988: Probably my favorite live band of all time.
The Jayhawks, "Hollywood Town Hall" 1992: Minneapolis alt-country, outstanding vocals.
The Replacements, "Let It Be" 1984: Groundbreaking, both serious and funny at times. Has a Kiss cover on it and a song called "Gary's Got a Boner." How can you not like that?
R.E.M., "Automatic For the People" 1992: When everyone else was loud, R.E.M got quiet. Poignant, insightful lyrics that helped get me through a rough time when my mom was ill.
The Waterboys, "Fisherman's Blues" 1988: I didn't even like this album at first, because I wasn't expecting the shift from rock to traditional Irish music. Upon further listening, it grew on me and turned me on to artists like Van Morrison and The Pogues.
Wilco, "Summerteeth," 1999: An alt-country band "goes Beatles." I like the Beatles, so what the hell.
So there you have it. If I had more time, I'd expand the list to include Spandau Ballet, Kajagoogoo and L'il Kim. But, this 40 year old has to go to bed. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone out there.
Jeff
--The Clash, "London Calling" 1979. The late 1970's were dominated by disco and the mellow top 40 sounds of Peaches and Herb, Air Supply, etc. In response to this, punk music was created. Bands like the Sex Pistols, The Jam, & The Ramones popped up with songs averaging about 3 minutes long and not meant for radio airplay. My favorite, however, was The Clash. The Clash has been referred to as "the only band that matters," and I believe that. They were able to blend true punk spirit with with rock, ska and reggae influence. They also were political, which influenced bands like U2. Joe Strummer and Mick Jones were the new Lennon-McCartney in my eyes. Certain albums can be played decades after their release and still sound new. London Calling is one of those albums.
--Nirvana, "Nevermind" 1991: The early '90's were a bleak time on the music scene. Metal hair-bands like Poison and Warrant ruled the scene. I've always wondered, by the way, how bands with bleached-blond hair, lipstick and full make-up were considered manly men. In 1991, however, a band from Seattle came along that changed the music scene forever. These three guys were as loud as any metal band, but could actually write meaningful songs. The songs on Nevermind came at you like a wall of sound. "Lithium, In Bloom, Come As You Are, Smells Like Teen Spirit, etc." made other music at the time seem inconsequential. Obviously, Kurt Cobain did not meet a good end, but his impact on music is indisputable. And, I loved his appearance on that ridiculous MTV show "the headbangers ball," in which he wore a dress. The host asked him why he was wearing a dress, and he said "He wanted to look good for the Ball." I think that show was cancelled a few weeks later.
--David Bowie, "The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars" 1972: Once again, I can not claim that I listened to this when it was released in 1972 because I was five. I started listening to Bowie as a freshman in college. Can you imagine this album coming out in 1972? Mellow, pot-head bands like America were all the rage, and Bowie puts out an album dressed like a spaceman. The first song, "Five Years," is about the earth having five years left in existence. The rest is about a spaceman coming to Earth. And, to top it off, the songs are outstanding. As the back cover states, "TO BE PLAYED AT MAXIMUM VOLUME."
--Bob Dylan, "Time Out Of Mind" 1997: As everyone knows, Bob Dylan wrote some of the most famous and important songs of all time in the 1960's and '70's, and is widely considered "the voice of a generation." A lot of musicians that have been around as long as Dylan are now playing at Mystic Lake. Even Bob himself hit a rough patch in the 80's in which he became kind of a caricature of himself. In 1997, however, Bob Dylan experienced health problems and put out "Time Out Of Mind." I consider this album to be on par with his work in the 1960's. Not exactly uplifting, the lyrics in his songs spoke of a man unsure of his future. He assembled an all-star band that would be at home in a smoky lounge. Dylan reinvented himself, and proved he is as important today as he was forty years ago.
So there you have it, my top ten albums of all time. I put some serious thought into this, and had to include some honorable mentions. Some of these albums almost made the top ten:
Soul Asylum, "Hang Time" 1988: Probably my favorite live band of all time.
The Jayhawks, "Hollywood Town Hall" 1992: Minneapolis alt-country, outstanding vocals.
The Replacements, "Let It Be" 1984: Groundbreaking, both serious and funny at times. Has a Kiss cover on it and a song called "Gary's Got a Boner." How can you not like that?
R.E.M., "Automatic For the People" 1992: When everyone else was loud, R.E.M got quiet. Poignant, insightful lyrics that helped get me through a rough time when my mom was ill.
The Waterboys, "Fisherman's Blues" 1988: I didn't even like this album at first, because I wasn't expecting the shift from rock to traditional Irish music. Upon further listening, it grew on me and turned me on to artists like Van Morrison and The Pogues.
Wilco, "Summerteeth," 1999: An alt-country band "goes Beatles." I like the Beatles, so what the hell.
So there you have it. If I had more time, I'd expand the list to include Spandau Ballet, Kajagoogoo and L'il Kim. But, this 40 year old has to go to bed. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone out there.
Jeff
The "Game."
I now have more fodder for my Minnesota Viking history book that I am working on. You know the one - "...And There Is A Flag on the Play, A History of the Minnesota Vikings." I witnessed a game last night that set football back forty years. Last night, the Vikings managed three first downs in an (alleged) NFL football game against the Packers and lost 9 to 7. Three first downs. What is this, 1972? Whenever I think I've seen a new level of ineptitude, the Vikes throw me another bone for the book. And what is even more frightening, the Vikings were winning the game with a minute and a half left. That is when Green Bay kicked a 44-yard field goal to put them up by two points, which is an insurmountable lead for the Vikings to overcome. You just knew that field goal was going to be good, even though the rookie Green Bay kicker botched two gimmies earlier in the game. That kick would have been good from 80 yards during Hurricane Katrina. That kick would have been good if the regular kicker was hospitalized and they brought some drunk guy out of the stands (quite a few to choose from) to attempt the kick. That kick was going to be good because that is simply what happens to the Minnesota Vikings - snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Tunes To Take To a Deserted Island - Part 1
A friend of mine, Tom, recently hooked me up with a podcast of the 100 Greatest Albums of All-time according to Time Magazine. I am very much a list guy, so this was of great interest to me. I look forward to the end of each calendar year to see lists such as "Top 10 movies, events, etc. of the year." I have my own list called "top 10 house projects put off until 2007." Anyway, I listened intently to the podcast, and agreed with a lot of their choices, disagreed with some, and was plain unaware of the existence of other "top albums." For your viewing pleasure, here is Time Magazines top 100 albums of all time, in no particular order:
http://www.time.com/time/2006/100albums/index.html
This list got me thinking of what I think are the top albums of all time in my opinion. I believe that most of the "top whatever" lists are 100% opinion, and many of full of crap. I'm sure there is some guy blogging right now about the new Justin Timberlake album and how great it is. This person may have never strayed from KS95 on the radio dial before. There is no way that I could list the top 100 albums of all time, because there are so many I have not been fully exposed to. I can, however, name the top albums that have had an influence in my life. These are the albums that I would take to a deserted island with me, along with a lifetime supply of Summit beer. As always, I welcome any comments, and also your own lists of top albums. Remember, I live for this kind of stuff.
One last thing - I listened to complete crap in music until 1980. I am talking Hall & Oates and Chicago. Complete shit. The album that I credit as being "The First Legitimate Album I Ever Bought" was Ghost in the Machine by the Police in 1981. I am not adding this to my top ten, but I credit it for opening my eyes to a wider world of tunes. Sting was actually cool back then and Stewart Copeland remains one of the greatest rock drummers in my opinion. So, thanks to the Police. They were my first step on a broader music journey. By the way, I'm not trying to be a music snob. It still doesn't hurt to put on "Wheel in the Sky" by Journey every now and then. It didn't change the world, but it rocked. F'n right.
Here is the first six of my top 10 list of all time - IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER (I couldn't figure that out). I'll follow up with the other four later, with some honorable mentions. My fingers are already starting to hurt!
--The Replacements, "Tim" 1985: My favorite album from my favorite band. Self-deprecating to the end, these guys put out some of the best music that was never heard nationally. As I've stated before, I am a sucker for a pop hook. These guys could thrash, but have a refrain in their songs that most top-40 artists would kill for. "Waitress in the Sky" was funny (about stewardesses) and "Here Comes a Regular" would make you cry. No other Minneapolis band could have written "Swingin' Party" back then. Also, "Bastards of Young" is the theme song for Generation X. In case you forgot this one, here is the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ap0p7mhu4w0
--R.E.M, "Murmer" 1983: In the early '80's, who else sounded like these guys? The jangly guitars and the absolute inability to understand a word they were saying. This didn't matter to me, however. I associate the opening chords to "Radio Free Europe" with high school parties in which it was played endlessly. Lastly, one thing I loved about R.E.M. is that the heavy-metal burn-outs in Eau Claire absolutely hated them and associated them with "college music." Two guys in the band wore glasses, for God's sake. I liked that.
--U2, "War" 1983: From the opening snare drum on "Sunday Bloody Sunday" to Bono's mullet, I was obsessed with this band from 1983 to 1985. I lived and breathed U2. I even successfully grew my own mullet (which didn't look like Bono's). I distinctly remember seeing them live in 1985 at the Minneapolis Auditorium. Jon almost killed us all on I-94 by yanking the car wheel from me, but it didn't matter. I broke my glasses (of course) a week before the show, so I had to wear an old pair with a bow taped on, but it didn't matter. All I remember is walking out of the auditorium with the whole crowd singing the refrain to "40," "How long to sing this song..." A religious experience.
--The Beatles, "Sgt Peppers" 1967: Now, I am not going to claim that I was into this album when it was new in June of 1967, because I was 8 months old. Those of you who knew me in college, however, understand that I went through quite a Beatles faze in the late '80's. Those of you who were my roommates cannot listen to the Beatles ever again because of this. I grew my hair longer and got little John Lennon glasses, and listened to this album a lot in 1987, when it was 20 years old. It made quite an impact on me, and opened my eyes to a vast amount of '60's music. Probably the greatest songwriters of all time.
--The Waterboys, "This is the Sea" 1985: These are not songs, they are anthems. "Spirit, The Whole of the Moon, The Pan Within," etc. I was kind of unsure about this Scottish/Irish band at first. Every album featured Mike Scott, the lead singer, on the cover with his mop of hair, and you could never see his face. These songs have some of the most powerful and uplifting lyrics I've ever heard, however. The final song on the album, named "This is the Sea," is probably my favorite song of all-time, and one that I would like played at my funeral (not to get too heavy or anything).
--Uncle Tupelo, "Anodyne" 1993: Before hearing this album, I was unfamiliar with the term "Alternative Country." Before hearing this album, I did not know I like slide guitars. Before this album, I hated anything associated with twangy-country music. Then, I heard Uncle Tupelo and they made me want to cry (in a good way). I have listened to so-called alternative country ever since hearing this album, and consider it one of my favorite types of music. Hank Williams would have been a hell of a lot prouder of Uncle Tupelo's "High Water" then any of that crap you hear on the GAC channel or so-called country radio stations today. Now, I'm mad. I better end this for today.
The last four favorites and honorable mentions will follow later! Let me know what you think so far...
Jeff
http://www.time.com/time/2006/100albums/index.html
This list got me thinking of what I think are the top albums of all time in my opinion. I believe that most of the "top whatever" lists are 100% opinion, and many of full of crap. I'm sure there is some guy blogging right now about the new Justin Timberlake album and how great it is. This person may have never strayed from KS95 on the radio dial before. There is no way that I could list the top 100 albums of all time, because there are so many I have not been fully exposed to. I can, however, name the top albums that have had an influence in my life. These are the albums that I would take to a deserted island with me, along with a lifetime supply of Summit beer. As always, I welcome any comments, and also your own lists of top albums. Remember, I live for this kind of stuff.
One last thing - I listened to complete crap in music until 1980. I am talking Hall & Oates and Chicago. Complete shit. The album that I credit as being "The First Legitimate Album I Ever Bought" was Ghost in the Machine by the Police in 1981. I am not adding this to my top ten, but I credit it for opening my eyes to a wider world of tunes. Sting was actually cool back then and Stewart Copeland remains one of the greatest rock drummers in my opinion. So, thanks to the Police. They were my first step on a broader music journey. By the way, I'm not trying to be a music snob. It still doesn't hurt to put on "Wheel in the Sky" by Journey every now and then. It didn't change the world, but it rocked. F'n right.
Here is the first six of my top 10 list of all time - IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER (I couldn't figure that out). I'll follow up with the other four later, with some honorable mentions. My fingers are already starting to hurt!
--The Replacements, "Tim" 1985: My favorite album from my favorite band. Self-deprecating to the end, these guys put out some of the best music that was never heard nationally. As I've stated before, I am a sucker for a pop hook. These guys could thrash, but have a refrain in their songs that most top-40 artists would kill for. "Waitress in the Sky" was funny (about stewardesses) and "Here Comes a Regular" would make you cry. No other Minneapolis band could have written "Swingin' Party" back then. Also, "Bastards of Young" is the theme song for Generation X. In case you forgot this one, here is the video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ap0p7mhu4w0
--R.E.M, "Murmer" 1983: In the early '80's, who else sounded like these guys? The jangly guitars and the absolute inability to understand a word they were saying. This didn't matter to me, however. I associate the opening chords to "Radio Free Europe" with high school parties in which it was played endlessly. Lastly, one thing I loved about R.E.M. is that the heavy-metal burn-outs in Eau Claire absolutely hated them and associated them with "college music." Two guys in the band wore glasses, for God's sake. I liked that.
--U2, "War" 1983: From the opening snare drum on "Sunday Bloody Sunday" to Bono's mullet, I was obsessed with this band from 1983 to 1985. I lived and breathed U2. I even successfully grew my own mullet (which didn't look like Bono's). I distinctly remember seeing them live in 1985 at the Minneapolis Auditorium. Jon almost killed us all on I-94 by yanking the car wheel from me, but it didn't matter. I broke my glasses (of course) a week before the show, so I had to wear an old pair with a bow taped on, but it didn't matter. All I remember is walking out of the auditorium with the whole crowd singing the refrain to "40," "How long to sing this song..." A religious experience.
--The Beatles, "Sgt Peppers" 1967: Now, I am not going to claim that I was into this album when it was new in June of 1967, because I was 8 months old. Those of you who knew me in college, however, understand that I went through quite a Beatles faze in the late '80's. Those of you who were my roommates cannot listen to the Beatles ever again because of this. I grew my hair longer and got little John Lennon glasses, and listened to this album a lot in 1987, when it was 20 years old. It made quite an impact on me, and opened my eyes to a vast amount of '60's music. Probably the greatest songwriters of all time.
--The Waterboys, "This is the Sea" 1985: These are not songs, they are anthems. "Spirit, The Whole of the Moon, The Pan Within," etc. I was kind of unsure about this Scottish/Irish band at first. Every album featured Mike Scott, the lead singer, on the cover with his mop of hair, and you could never see his face. These songs have some of the most powerful and uplifting lyrics I've ever heard, however. The final song on the album, named "This is the Sea," is probably my favorite song of all-time, and one that I would like played at my funeral (not to get too heavy or anything).
--Uncle Tupelo, "Anodyne" 1993: Before hearing this album, I was unfamiliar with the term "Alternative Country." Before hearing this album, I did not know I like slide guitars. Before this album, I hated anything associated with twangy-country music. Then, I heard Uncle Tupelo and they made me want to cry (in a good way). I have listened to so-called alternative country ever since hearing this album, and consider it one of my favorite types of music. Hank Williams would have been a hell of a lot prouder of Uncle Tupelo's "High Water" then any of that crap you hear on the GAC channel or so-called country radio stations today. Now, I'm mad. I better end this for today.
The last four favorites and honorable mentions will follow later! Let me know what you think so far...
Jeff
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Sasquatch
If you were a child of the 1970's, like me, you probably grew up watching "In Search Of." This was the scariest, most freaked-out show in television history, outside of "H.R. Puff "N" Stuff" and "The Facts of Life." As a child, I would watch episodes of In Search Of with bravado by day, and then lay awake at night - terrorized by every little noise. Somehow, UFO's, ghosts and the Loch Ness Monster were not scary at 3:00 in the afternoon. At 3:00 in the morning, however, just about everything that Leonard Nimoy had to say on the day's episode was terrifying. Why, even "In Search of Amelia Erhart" was scary at 3:00 AM. One particular "In Search Of" subject, however, held my attention like no other:
Bigfoot.
After I saw the episode about Bigfoot, I was hooked. I research the subject by checking out books from the library. I saw a movie at The Hollywood Theatre about Bigfoot that had a scene in which herds of Bigfoot (Bigfeet?) attack a cabin by throwing large boulders on the roof. Then, it goes silent, and the campers go out to see what happened (dumb move). The Bigfoot is standing right outside of the door when they open it! Tell me therapy sessions didn't increase for grade schoolers in the mid-1970's after this flick. Along the way, I learned some interesting facts about Bigfoot. Here are some of them:
1. Sightings of Bigfoot, and footprints, go back many centuries in Native American culture. Native Americans refer to the creature as the "Sasquatch." He (or she) is described as an ape-like creature between 7 and 10 feet tall with massive feet - thus the name. When in close proximity, the Sasquatch is reported to have a really terrible smell.
2. Many sightings of "the Abdominal Snowman" have been reported in Tibet, where the creature is known as "the yeti." The Abdominal Snowman is known as "The Bumble" at the North Pole, where he now helps elves put the star on Santa's Christmas tree.
3. Sightings of the Sasquatch have been reported all over the globe, but seem concentrated on heavily wooded areas of British Columbia and Northern California. Closer to home, the Sasquatch has reportedly been spotted near Minong, Wisconsin.
4. Why hasn't there been any dead Sasquatch's discovered? Because they bury their dead. Gotcha!
5. My high-school librarian, Mr. Belka, thought he discovered evidence of a Sasquatch because, while camping, he discovered a dead goat under a rock. I am not quite sure what he meant by that, but I am not kidding about this.
6. There was a guy back in school that we called Sasquatch, but that doesn't really have anything to do with the real creature.
Anyway, what the world needs is actual footage of Bigfoot to become believers. Well, through the magic of YouTube, I can bring you that footage. In 1967, a man named Roger Patterson was searching for the creature in Northern California on horseback, and came across a female Bigfoot. How do I know it was female? Check out the "close up" in last 10 seconds of this clip (I am not making this up). To this day, this film is the most famous Bigfoot footage. Check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a95uEYlqA4o&mode=related&search=
I would like to know what my readers think about this phenomenon. Have you ever spotted a Sasquatch? Do you know anyone who has?? Let me know. I will try not to think about it at 3:00 AM.
Jeff
Bigfoot.
After I saw the episode about Bigfoot, I was hooked. I research the subject by checking out books from the library. I saw a movie at The Hollywood Theatre about Bigfoot that had a scene in which herds of Bigfoot (Bigfeet?) attack a cabin by throwing large boulders on the roof. Then, it goes silent, and the campers go out to see what happened (dumb move). The Bigfoot is standing right outside of the door when they open it! Tell me therapy sessions didn't increase for grade schoolers in the mid-1970's after this flick. Along the way, I learned some interesting facts about Bigfoot. Here are some of them:
1. Sightings of Bigfoot, and footprints, go back many centuries in Native American culture. Native Americans refer to the creature as the "Sasquatch." He (or she) is described as an ape-like creature between 7 and 10 feet tall with massive feet - thus the name. When in close proximity, the Sasquatch is reported to have a really terrible smell.
2. Many sightings of "the Abdominal Snowman" have been reported in Tibet, where the creature is known as "the yeti." The Abdominal Snowman is known as "The Bumble" at the North Pole, where he now helps elves put the star on Santa's Christmas tree.
3. Sightings of the Sasquatch have been reported all over the globe, but seem concentrated on heavily wooded areas of British Columbia and Northern California. Closer to home, the Sasquatch has reportedly been spotted near Minong, Wisconsin.
4. Why hasn't there been any dead Sasquatch's discovered? Because they bury their dead. Gotcha!
5. My high-school librarian, Mr. Belka, thought he discovered evidence of a Sasquatch because, while camping, he discovered a dead goat under a rock. I am not quite sure what he meant by that, but I am not kidding about this.
6. There was a guy back in school that we called Sasquatch, but that doesn't really have anything to do with the real creature.
Anyway, what the world needs is actual footage of Bigfoot to become believers. Well, through the magic of YouTube, I can bring you that footage. In 1967, a man named Roger Patterson was searching for the creature in Northern California on horseback, and came across a female Bigfoot. How do I know it was female? Check out the "close up" in last 10 seconds of this clip (I am not making this up). To this day, this film is the most famous Bigfoot footage. Check it out:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a95uEYlqA4o&mode=related&search=
I would like to know what my readers think about this phenomenon. Have you ever spotted a Sasquatch? Do you know anyone who has?? Let me know. I will try not to think about it at 3:00 AM.
Jeff
Friday, December 15, 2006
White Men Can't Wrap
My wife had to go to Winona today to attend a college graduation, and my daughter is fighting a cold, so I stayed home from THE CHECK today to be with her. She has been resting, so what better time to get some stuff done around the house. Should I put some more plastic on the windows? Hell, No. Besides, through the mercy of God, it's nearly 40 degrees outside. I decided to wrap some presents. Now, wrapping presents for most men is akin to going to the dentist. It's not a lot of fun, but it has to be done. Personally, I wouldn't put it on a "harrowing" level like a doctor's visit, but not many things in life are that bad. Most stores have recognized that men are completely inept at wrapping presents so they do it for you. The most empathetic stores do it for free, and other ones charge a fee, but it is worth it at any price. Those assholes at Target don't offer the service, so I was on my own.
I actually don't mind the process of wrapping. Brew some coffee, turn on those Christmas lights, play some Christmas music. I'm just no good at it. But, I even remembered tape this year. If you remember tape, you are ready to go. We were all set to go, and my little daughter and I proceeded to wrap the presents. I was astonished at what I witnessed - I am thirty six years older than my daughter, and she is already better at wrapping than me! Sure, I can fold over the big parts, but I have trouble with folding those nasty ends (of course). She actually showed me how to fold and tape the ends, and proceeded to finish the package perfectly! How is this possible? I've been trying to wrap packages for decades without improving a bit, and my daughter is "proficient" on possibly the first package she has ever wrapped. Now, my son's have helped me wrap from time to time, and they are ok. Not "too good " but enough to get the job done. I can only come to one conclusion, and I know there are going to be readers are not going to like this:
The ability to wrap packages is genetic.
I'm sure that some of you are in complete agreement with me on that, and others are probably a little hot under the collar right now. In fact, the odds of me sleeping on the couch tonight just got much higher. I promised there would be controversy in this blog. You cannot hold back on this kind of information for too long. This, to me, is like stating "the sun rises in the East and sets in the West." It's a scientific fact. Some of the more Euphorian readers are probably thinking it is a "theory," like the Sasquatch (which is also fact - but that is the topic of another blog). Wrong.
Anyway, I'd like to hear what some of the readers think about this.
Jeff
I actually don't mind the process of wrapping. Brew some coffee, turn on those Christmas lights, play some Christmas music. I'm just no good at it. But, I even remembered tape this year. If you remember tape, you are ready to go. We were all set to go, and my little daughter and I proceeded to wrap the presents. I was astonished at what I witnessed - I am thirty six years older than my daughter, and she is already better at wrapping than me! Sure, I can fold over the big parts, but I have trouble with folding those nasty ends (of course). She actually showed me how to fold and tape the ends, and proceeded to finish the package perfectly! How is this possible? I've been trying to wrap packages for decades without improving a bit, and my daughter is "proficient" on possibly the first package she has ever wrapped. Now, my son's have helped me wrap from time to time, and they are ok. Not "too good " but enough to get the job done. I can only come to one conclusion, and I know there are going to be readers are not going to like this:
The ability to wrap packages is genetic.
I'm sure that some of you are in complete agreement with me on that, and others are probably a little hot under the collar right now. In fact, the odds of me sleeping on the couch tonight just got much higher. I promised there would be controversy in this blog. You cannot hold back on this kind of information for too long. This, to me, is like stating "the sun rises in the East and sets in the West." It's a scientific fact. Some of the more Euphorian readers are probably thinking it is a "theory," like the Sasquatch (which is also fact - but that is the topic of another blog). Wrong.
Anyway, I'd like to hear what some of the readers think about this.
Jeff
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
A "Restaurant"
I am rather excited because tomorrow my wife and I are going to meet some friends at a place called a "restaurant." I have a vague recollection of these places BC (Before Children). I was rather hazy on what actually goes on in these establishments, so I looked the word up on dictionary.com. The official definition is "an establishment where meals are served to customers." That sounds like McDonalds or Snuffy's Malt shops to me, and eating there can be be a harrowing experience (although the malts at Snuffy's are outstanding). My sister is babysitting the dudes, so they won't even be with us at "the restaurant." I was concerned, so I asked some fellows at work about these places. They said that when people are seated at a restaurant, they are able to converse pleasantly, and even enjoy a beverage while waiting for food, or something called "an appetizer" to arrive. I still don't understand. Who will be asking: "where is the food, when will the food be here, what is taking so long?" Apparently, this whole step in the process is skipped!
I also was informed that when the food arrives, you can eat at a pace that is comfortable. Nobody crawls around the floor under your feet while eating. And - here is the kicker - when you are done you do not throw your plates in the nearest garbage receptacle. Someone who works at the "restaurant" comes to your table, picks up the dishes, and washes them! I am still waiting for the catch in all of this. I find the whole concept beautiful, but rather unnerving. I will let you know how it goes. Our next step is to attend a movie being show at a "theatre."
Wish us luck!
Jeff
I also was informed that when the food arrives, you can eat at a pace that is comfortable. Nobody crawls around the floor under your feet while eating. And - here is the kicker - when you are done you do not throw your plates in the nearest garbage receptacle. Someone who works at the "restaurant" comes to your table, picks up the dishes, and washes them! I am still waiting for the catch in all of this. I find the whole concept beautiful, but rather unnerving. I will let you know how it goes. Our next step is to attend a movie being show at a "theatre."
Wish us luck!
Jeff
Monday, December 11, 2006
Real People's Names
I work with a chap at THE CHECK who, in his previous job at a bank, happened to collect a list of real people's names as they signed up for personal checking accounts. He explained to me that it actually got to the point where his co-workers would e-mail names to him to add to the list throughout time. Now, these names were not collected with any malice in mind. There was only one reason for such an undertaking - for a laugh. When I got a chance to read the list, it made my day. I don't think I've laughed that hard since Jon fell in Half Moon Lake. Here are some of the names from that list. Keep in mind they are 100% real:
Snoopi J. Botten
Richard E. Aycock
Dong Qing Wang
Sixx Pack Woolridge
Daisy Duck
Bang Ding
Abdulaziz Abukar Hagi Hussein
Kum S. Lipps
Otto Hollopeter
Dirk J. Hickenlooper
Lynn M. Nimrod
Eli Shitrit
Kelly K. Kelly
Hanny Tanny
Nandika S. Diasabeygunawardena
Patrick A. Bigboy
Dee Ann Nicewonger
Vincent D. Longtimesleeping
Andrea Leahy Fuckeck
Jennifer Pimple
Guylass J. Kiss
Nas N. A. Bing
Charles E. Casebeer
Scott D. Glasscock
Mary Pizza
Tito R. Perfecto
Norman P. Wockenfuss
Ria Ten Coffee Mess
John V. Titsworth
Edwin A. Pecker
Robert Faggett
Stanley P. Horney
Misty D. Balls
Lakshminarayanan P. Krishnamoortny
Karina B. Bonyhard
I hope you were as easily amused as me!
Jeff (Jeff - Ha! Ha!)
Snoopi J. Botten
Richard E. Aycock
Dong Qing Wang
Sixx Pack Woolridge
Daisy Duck
Bang Ding
Abdulaziz Abukar Hagi Hussein
Kum S. Lipps
Otto Hollopeter
Dirk J. Hickenlooper
Lynn M. Nimrod
Eli Shitrit
Kelly K. Kelly
Hanny Tanny
Nandika S. Diasabeygunawardena
Patrick A. Bigboy
Dee Ann Nicewonger
Vincent D. Longtimesleeping
Andrea Leahy Fuckeck
Jennifer Pimple
Guylass J. Kiss
Nas N. A. Bing
Charles E. Casebeer
Scott D. Glasscock
Mary Pizza
Tito R. Perfecto
Norman P. Wockenfuss
Ria Ten Coffee Mess
John V. Titsworth
Edwin A. Pecker
Robert Faggett
Stanley P. Horney
Misty D. Balls
Lakshminarayanan P. Krishnamoortny
Karina B. Bonyhard
I hope you were as easily amused as me!
Jeff (Jeff - Ha! Ha!)
Sunday, December 10, 2006
Sort of Hung Over
The handsome and witty Canadian brother-in-law came into town yesterday and we attended the Wild vs. the (hated) Goonhawks game, which the Wild won in overtime. We spent some time at Tom Ried's pub before the game where we were provided with VIP seating. I'm not kidding about this - we asked the bouncer for seating and he says "how would you like VIP seating?" Perhaps he recognized me from the blog. It was this penalty-box-like area in which you had your own TV. They were showing a 1984 match-up between Montreal and the old Quebec Nordiques. That was cool. Jaques Lemaire was even coaching the Canadians and he had the same comb-over haircut - in 1984!
(By the way. I have the TV on right now, and they keep showing those commercials in which a husband gives his wife a Lexus for Christmas. Do those ad's make anyone else sick, or is it just me? When the Christ-child was laying in the manger, was this His vision of how his birth would be celebrated? People giving each other Lexuses? Oh good, now a Gap commercial is on with some rapper rapping on about Christmas in the 'hood. The TV is going off.)
After the game, we went to the Liffey, a Irish pub located across from the Xcel Energy Center. We got caught up in the spirit of things, there was an Irish band after all, and were served too much Guinness. Because of this, I am sort of hung over today. Back in the Day (Eau Claire), hangovers were generally over by about 10:00 AM. Now that I am 40, they tend to last three days. Now, don't worry readers, I don't spend a lot of time in a hung-over state. I would rather eat glass shards than be hung over with kids around, so I usually make better decisions. Last night, however, we got caught up in the spirit. Hockey, Irish bar, good music, french fries, etc. I even made a buzzed-up purchase at the Hockey Lodge - a reversible Wild stocking cap. Get this - it's green on one side and red on the other, with Wild logos on both sides! You can wear it either way! Let's say your walking around one day and a bird poops on your head. If you're wearing this hat, you just fold it over to the other side and put it back on. That is a quality hat. At least buying a hat when you are buzzed up is better than purchasing a vehicle or real estate or something like that.
Anyway, because I am a little tired today, I am going to have my youngest son finish up the post for me. He wants to be zoologist and is very into monkeys these days, so here goes:
Gorillas have the same skull as humans, but larger. Gorillas do not have a useful tail. Lemer's have a useful tail for swinging. A gorilla can stand up to six feet tall on their legs and on their knees they go about 5 and half feet. If monkeys feed on the right thing every month they will grow about an inch a day.
(By the way. I have the TV on right now, and they keep showing those commercials in which a husband gives his wife a Lexus for Christmas. Do those ad's make anyone else sick, or is it just me? When the Christ-child was laying in the manger, was this His vision of how his birth would be celebrated? People giving each other Lexuses? Oh good, now a Gap commercial is on with some rapper rapping on about Christmas in the 'hood. The TV is going off.)
After the game, we went to the Liffey, a Irish pub located across from the Xcel Energy Center. We got caught up in the spirit of things, there was an Irish band after all, and were served too much Guinness. Because of this, I am sort of hung over today. Back in the Day (Eau Claire), hangovers were generally over by about 10:00 AM. Now that I am 40, they tend to last three days. Now, don't worry readers, I don't spend a lot of time in a hung-over state. I would rather eat glass shards than be hung over with kids around, so I usually make better decisions. Last night, however, we got caught up in the spirit. Hockey, Irish bar, good music, french fries, etc. I even made a buzzed-up purchase at the Hockey Lodge - a reversible Wild stocking cap. Get this - it's green on one side and red on the other, with Wild logos on both sides! You can wear it either way! Let's say your walking around one day and a bird poops on your head. If you're wearing this hat, you just fold it over to the other side and put it back on. That is a quality hat. At least buying a hat when you are buzzed up is better than purchasing a vehicle or real estate or something like that.
Anyway, because I am a little tired today, I am going to have my youngest son finish up the post for me. He wants to be zoologist and is very into monkeys these days, so here goes:
Gorillas have the same skull as humans, but larger. Gorillas do not have a useful tail. Lemer's have a useful tail for swinging. A gorilla can stand up to six feet tall on their legs and on their knees they go about 5 and half feet. If monkeys feed on the right thing every month they will grow about an inch a day.
Friday, December 8, 2006
The Fat Mall
Today I went to the Mall of America. Now, don't worry readers, I am not a fan of malls, especially the Big Mall. But, like going to the doctor, sometimes it must be done no matter how harrowing it might be. At least you are less like to hear "the snap of the rubber glove" at a mall compared to the doctor's office. Well, then again, I haven't been to the Galleria in a while.
Anyway, I had to go to the Big Mall (and I'm simply not calling it "MOA" like the advertisers want) for a gift at a certain store. Believe me, if I could have got by with going to Shitdale (Har Mar) for the gift, I would have. I could have parked on the front sidewalk and nobody would have noticed. I cannot divulge what store I went to for various Christmas gift reasons. Maura, if you are reading this, I am not talking about Victoria's Secret. I will tell you in all honesty that I was indeed at Victoria's Secret today and purchased your Christmas gift. If my sons are reading this, I did go the the BROWN SOCKS store today and purchased your gifts. If my daughter is reading this we're enrolling her in Kindergarten on Monday. So, the secret store is still secret.
Anyway, the Fat Mall is located on the hallowed ground in which Metropolitan Stadium once stood. I still expect to see the lights of the stadium as I drive west on 494, Instead, on the same ground in which Bud Grant and Fran Tarkenton once roamed, you now have a Bad Bath & Beyond. On the same land that Rod Carew flirted with hitting .400, you now have a Karmelcorn. Just Plain Sad.
Those of you that know me, understand that I get very confused in parking lots. I get turned around in a Walgreens parking lot, let alone "the Mother of All (MOA) Parking Lots." There were a lot of suburban types looking for spots to park their Honda Odysseys. I swear to God they were all on their cell phones. I can just hear that conversation: "Hi, Connie, yah I'm just parking now. Yah, its busy. I'm by Bloomingdales. Where are you? By Nordstroms? Wow! See you at Cache' in two minutes!" How did we live before cell phones?
I finally found a spot and made my way in the Big Mall. My first order of business was to get coffee. If I am going to spend any amount of time at This Place, I will spend it caffinated. I purchased a Starbucks. Now, it may shock you that I was able to locate a Starbucks at the Mall of America. I know, it was a little weird. Anyway, I have always felt that disgruntled workers at coffee shops take the plastic lids to the cups and put a tiny pin prick in every tenth one. Today, I had that tenth lid. The frickin' coffee kept dribbling down my chin and onto my coat. I could not, for the life of me, locate any holes or openings. Fascinating stuff, huh?
I noticed a lot of Professional Shoppers today. You know the type, full make-up, and dressed like they are going to a cocktail party. These people live for shopping the way I live for drinking beer while listening to tunes. Now, don't think I am a complete scrooge or anything. I enjoy shopping at MGM or the Electric Fetus as much as the next guy.
You will be happy to know that I was able to find what I was looking for, and was able to find my way back in 494 East and head back home. As I was leaving, I noticed the buses bringing loads of people to the Fat Mall for a full day of shopping. Think about that - sitting on a bus full of people driving to a mall full of people. Sounds the tenth circle of hell to me.
Anyway, I am sorry this post was a little negative considering it is the Christmas season. I promise the next one will be more positive. My witty and handsome Canadian brother in law is coming to town and we are going to see the Wild play the hated Chicago Goonhawks. We may even go looking for Anonymous after the game.
Peace,
Jeff
Anyway, I had to go to the Big Mall (and I'm simply not calling it "MOA" like the advertisers want) for a gift at a certain store. Believe me, if I could have got by with going to Shitdale (Har Mar) for the gift, I would have. I could have parked on the front sidewalk and nobody would have noticed. I cannot divulge what store I went to for various Christmas gift reasons. Maura, if you are reading this, I am not talking about Victoria's Secret. I will tell you in all honesty that I was indeed at Victoria's Secret today and purchased your Christmas gift. If my sons are reading this, I did go the the BROWN SOCKS store today and purchased your gifts. If my daughter is reading this we're enrolling her in Kindergarten on Monday. So, the secret store is still secret.
Anyway, the Fat Mall is located on the hallowed ground in which Metropolitan Stadium once stood. I still expect to see the lights of the stadium as I drive west on 494, Instead, on the same ground in which Bud Grant and Fran Tarkenton once roamed, you now have a Bad Bath & Beyond. On the same land that Rod Carew flirted with hitting .400, you now have a Karmelcorn. Just Plain Sad.
Those of you that know me, understand that I get very confused in parking lots. I get turned around in a Walgreens parking lot, let alone "the Mother of All (MOA) Parking Lots." There were a lot of suburban types looking for spots to park their Honda Odysseys. I swear to God they were all on their cell phones. I can just hear that conversation: "Hi, Connie, yah I'm just parking now. Yah, its busy. I'm by Bloomingdales. Where are you? By Nordstroms? Wow! See you at Cache' in two minutes!" How did we live before cell phones?
I finally found a spot and made my way in the Big Mall. My first order of business was to get coffee. If I am going to spend any amount of time at This Place, I will spend it caffinated. I purchased a Starbucks. Now, it may shock you that I was able to locate a Starbucks at the Mall of America. I know, it was a little weird. Anyway, I have always felt that disgruntled workers at coffee shops take the plastic lids to the cups and put a tiny pin prick in every tenth one. Today, I had that tenth lid. The frickin' coffee kept dribbling down my chin and onto my coat. I could not, for the life of me, locate any holes or openings. Fascinating stuff, huh?
I noticed a lot of Professional Shoppers today. You know the type, full make-up, and dressed like they are going to a cocktail party. These people live for shopping the way I live for drinking beer while listening to tunes. Now, don't think I am a complete scrooge or anything. I enjoy shopping at MGM or the Electric Fetus as much as the next guy.
You will be happy to know that I was able to find what I was looking for, and was able to find my way back in 494 East and head back home. As I was leaving, I noticed the buses bringing loads of people to the Fat Mall for a full day of shopping. Think about that - sitting on a bus full of people driving to a mall full of people. Sounds the tenth circle of hell to me.
Anyway, I am sorry this post was a little negative considering it is the Christmas season. I promise the next one will be more positive. My witty and handsome Canadian brother in law is coming to town and we are going to see the Wild play the hated Chicago Goonhawks. We may even go looking for Anonymous after the game.
Peace,
Jeff
Wednesday, December 6, 2006
No Sleep Tonight
I will not sleep tonight. This weekend, the 5-7 Vikings play the 2-10 Detroit Lions and Coach Brad Childress knows who the Vikes starting quarterback will be, but he won't tell us. Oh, no - not that. Anything but that.
Will it be the slow-afoot Brad Johnson or the rookie Tavarius Jackson, who admits he is not ready (i.e., hasn't really read the playbook)? Right now, I am breathing into a bag. I can't take the suspense. But, the Little Furor knows what he is doing. Not only will Jeff not sleep tonight, neither will the 2-10 Detroit Lions. Can you imagine the Detroit coach....... ahhhh......... coach .............that guy.............the Detroit coach tossing and turning wondering who is going to hand off left to Chester Taylor on Sunday?? That is just cruel and inhuman punishment.
Time to hit the Nyquil, which I swear has Opium in it. When I take this stuff I have dreams like epiosodes of H.R. Puff N Stuff.
http://www.laurawolf.com/halloween/themesong_hrpuffnstuff.htm
More tomorrow,
Jeff
Will it be the slow-afoot Brad Johnson or the rookie Tavarius Jackson, who admits he is not ready (i.e., hasn't really read the playbook)? Right now, I am breathing into a bag. I can't take the suspense. But, the Little Furor knows what he is doing. Not only will Jeff not sleep tonight, neither will the 2-10 Detroit Lions. Can you imagine the Detroit coach....... ahhhh......... coach .............that guy.............the Detroit coach tossing and turning wondering who is going to hand off left to Chester Taylor on Sunday?? That is just cruel and inhuman punishment.
Time to hit the Nyquil, which I swear has Opium in it. When I take this stuff I have dreams like epiosodes of H.R. Puff N Stuff.
http://www.laurawolf.com/halloween/themesong_hrpuffnstuff.htm
More tomorrow,
Jeff
Tuesday, December 5, 2006
Home Alone
So, my wife and kids are at Linder's buying some Christmas ornaments and, for the first time in quite some time, I am home alone after work. Should I relax by brewing some coffee and putting on some Christmas music? Should I read the paper? Should I have a bowl of ice cream and put whatever I please on top of it? No, I think I will relax by putting some plastic on the windows.
Now, a few days ago I went out and bought the good stuff - 3M. I am not messing around with Roundy's window insulation. There are 8 easy steps listed on the back of the 3M box to complete the task. I like, too, when they estimate on the box how long it should take a person to complete the task. "Should Be Completed in 15 Minutes!" By who, Bob Villa? It should say "Handy, normal people should complete in 15 minutes. If your name is Jeff Thompson, allow the better part of the afternoon."
Anyway, I picked one window next to the computer so it would be warmer when I work on my blog. Screw the kids room. I applied the fancy tape around the border - the kind that is sticky on both sides. (And what genius thought that up? I bet he didn't spend six nights a week on Water Street). Next, I unfolded the plastic and "applied firmly to tape" like the box says. So far, so good. Only a few ripples and waves in the middle. Anyway, those "excess wrinkles" as the box states, will be taken care of when I blow dry the plastic - which is the last step. What Marketing Executive did they pay to come up with "wrinkles?" I like "waves." I found the hair dryer, which has not been used on my hair since the 80's, and finished the job. Except, the wrinkles did not go away. If fact, the plastic appears to have loosed up and created hills. In fact, if you look at the plastic in the right light, I swear you can make out words. I think it says, "shitty job Jeff."
But, who cares. I can already tell that the cold air is being kept out better than before. I have never been accused of being a perfectionist, so what the hell. Time to watch the Wild play the hated Chicago Goonhawks with the dudes.
I just hope the forecast calling for a return to the 40's is correct so no cold air comes through that window.
Now, a few days ago I went out and bought the good stuff - 3M. I am not messing around with Roundy's window insulation. There are 8 easy steps listed on the back of the 3M box to complete the task. I like, too, when they estimate on the box how long it should take a person to complete the task. "Should Be Completed in 15 Minutes!" By who, Bob Villa? It should say "Handy, normal people should complete in 15 minutes. If your name is Jeff Thompson, allow the better part of the afternoon."
Anyway, I picked one window next to the computer so it would be warmer when I work on my blog. Screw the kids room. I applied the fancy tape around the border - the kind that is sticky on both sides. (And what genius thought that up? I bet he didn't spend six nights a week on Water Street). Next, I unfolded the plastic and "applied firmly to tape" like the box says. So far, so good. Only a few ripples and waves in the middle. Anyway, those "excess wrinkles" as the box states, will be taken care of when I blow dry the plastic - which is the last step. What Marketing Executive did they pay to come up with "wrinkles?" I like "waves." I found the hair dryer, which has not been used on my hair since the 80's, and finished the job. Except, the wrinkles did not go away. If fact, the plastic appears to have loosed up and created hills. In fact, if you look at the plastic in the right light, I swear you can make out words. I think it says, "shitty job Jeff."
But, who cares. I can already tell that the cold air is being kept out better than before. I have never been accused of being a perfectionist, so what the hell. Time to watch the Wild play the hated Chicago Goonhawks with the dudes.
I just hope the forecast calling for a return to the 40's is correct so no cold air comes through that window.
Monday, December 4, 2006
Controvesy
Now, I am not trying to stir things up with this blog, but sometimes with something this hot, controversy cannot be avoided. I have tried to keep my postings non-controversial at the beginning of this site, with vanilla topics such as worthy tunes and the Vikings (who the whole world agrees suck). I have not even touched on the flying Imams who were detained at the Minneapolis airport. Or Zocor vs. Lipitor. Or possible designs of the new Twins stadium. Now there are some fist-flying, name-calling, I'm-going-to-leave-a-dead-fish-in-your-car topics. However, one supposedly vanilla topic has sparked fireworks already on day 4 - Canada.
Those of you who are loyal readers (Jase) may have read the comments and questions that I received from Anonymous regarding Canada. He was wondering how I might feel about the country being that I am a born and raised American (blue state nonetheless). I basically responded that I thought Canada was great. Well, a couple of comments to that opinion were posted shorty thereafter, one being from Jase and the other from Cordell and Erika. Now, I have a feeling that Erika may have been in the other room when this comment was added to the site. Cordell basically questioned Canada's manhood (I like the quote about the French and their bread), but said I should reserve judgement about Canada until I actually visit. Well, Anonymous read that comment and let me know that he wants to know one thing (and I quote):
"Who the F*&% are Cordell and Erika???"
After that question, Anonymous went on a pro-Canada rant that I wish that I could claim as my own. One thing that I have learned from my intelligent, witty Canadian brother in law is that you do not question Canada. Boy, this is good stuff. I can hardly wait to bring up the flying Imams. More later - it's bed time for this 40 year old!
Peace,
Jeff
Those of you who are loyal readers (Jase) may have read the comments and questions that I received from Anonymous regarding Canada. He was wondering how I might feel about the country being that I am a born and raised American (blue state nonetheless). I basically responded that I thought Canada was great. Well, a couple of comments to that opinion were posted shorty thereafter, one being from Jase and the other from Cordell and Erika. Now, I have a feeling that Erika may have been in the other room when this comment was added to the site. Cordell basically questioned Canada's manhood (I like the quote about the French and their bread), but said I should reserve judgement about Canada until I actually visit. Well, Anonymous read that comment and let me know that he wants to know one thing (and I quote):
"Who the F*&% are Cordell and Erika???"
After that question, Anonymous went on a pro-Canada rant that I wish that I could claim as my own. One thing that I have learned from my intelligent, witty Canadian brother in law is that you do not question Canada. Boy, this is good stuff. I can hardly wait to bring up the flying Imams. More later - it's bed time for this 40 year old!
Peace,
Jeff
Sunday, December 3, 2006
One Last Frickin' Thing
I really am going to try and keep any Vikings rants to a minimum, but sometimes I can't help it. Today, the Vikings allowed 24 net yard passing (from where I am sitting to my garage) and lost by 10. A few weeks back, the Vikings allowed 3 yards rushing (from me to my beer) for an entire game to some damn team - and lost. These feats are nearly statistically impossible, except for one organization - The Minnesota Vikings. These amazing facts will most certainly be added to my book that I am thinking of writing on the history of the Minnesota Vikings. It will either be called "Snatching Defeat From the Jaws of Victory" or "... And There is a Flag on the Play - The History of the Minnesota Vikings."
Luckily, I didn't see much of the game because we were in Stillwater cutting down a new Christmas tree (note to Tracy and Al: please don't look in your front yard for a while). I did see, however, Brooks Bollinger sub at QB for Brad Johnson. I never thought that Bollinger was any good in college with the Badgers, but here he is in the NFL (with the Vikes, of course). Horrible. He makes Gus Ferrotte look like Dan Marino.
Well, I feel much better now that I've got that off my chest. And, my wife did not have to hear about the Vikings Quarterback situation.
Peace,
Jeff
Luckily, I didn't see much of the game because we were in Stillwater cutting down a new Christmas tree (note to Tracy and Al: please don't look in your front yard for a while). I did see, however, Brooks Bollinger sub at QB for Brad Johnson. I never thought that Bollinger was any good in college with the Badgers, but here he is in the NFL (with the Vikes, of course). Horrible. He makes Gus Ferrotte look like Dan Marino.
Well, I feel much better now that I've got that off my chest. And, my wife did not have to hear about the Vikings Quarterback situation.
Peace,
Jeff
Canada
I had a reader, Anonymous, inquire about my feelings on our neighboring country, Canada. He quotes M.Richer as saying "To Americans, Canada is the vaguely threatening country where cold winds, power cuts, mad cow disease, terrorists, weed smokers, liberals, and homosexual marriages originate." Well, Anonymous, I am not sure who M. Richer is, or why he goes by "M" instead of his first name, but I believe he is wrong about Canada. I will, however,give him the bit about weed smokers. I have reasons to like Canada even though I have never been there. Here are those reasons:
1. The last that I checked, no Canadians are flying planes into American buildings, at least not on purpose.
2. My buddy Jase goes fishing in Canada every hear and doesn't have a bad word to say about the place.
3. Neil Young is from Canada. Enough said.
4. Last, but certainly not least, I have a Canadian brother-in-law who is THE BEST. Intelligent, witty and......good looking! Now, readers, please do not construe this last note to be homoerotic. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I am happily married to a smokin' hot babe and very comfortable with my masculinity. He is very good looking, though. And handy. I am, without question, the least handy human on the face of the earth. But that is the subject of another very, very long post.
These are just things that I brought up off the top of my head without even mentioning hockey and the Canadian national anthem. So, M.Richer, put that in your pipe and smoke it, eh?
Thanks for the inquiry.
1. The last that I checked, no Canadians are flying planes into American buildings, at least not on purpose.
2. My buddy Jase goes fishing in Canada every hear and doesn't have a bad word to say about the place.
3. Neil Young is from Canada. Enough said.
4. Last, but certainly not least, I have a Canadian brother-in-law who is THE BEST. Intelligent, witty and......good looking! Now, readers, please do not construe this last note to be homoerotic. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I am happily married to a smokin' hot babe and very comfortable with my masculinity. He is very good looking, though. And handy. I am, without question, the least handy human on the face of the earth. But that is the subject of another very, very long post.
These are just things that I brought up off the top of my head without even mentioning hockey and the Canadian national anthem. So, M.Richer, put that in your pipe and smoke it, eh?
Thanks for the inquiry.
Saturday, December 2, 2006
Speaking of tunes, I've been listening to some good local music lately. Now, I am not saying this to come across as some kind of hipster. In fact, I still think of the Replacements "Let It Be" as new music, and it's 22 years old. On that subject, here is a great article from The Rake that pretty much sums up trying to buy new music when you approach (and reach) middle age:
http://www.rakemag.com/stories/section_detail.aspx?itemID=21355&catID=146&SelectCatID=146
Most of the new music that I hear is a result of listening to 89.3 The Current, and then rushing to log on to their web site to find out what is currently playing. It never fails, however, that if I turn on the Current while making dinner (yes, Maura, I know I rarely make dinner) some rap music will be played. And I absolutely despise rap. If a long-lost favorite, or some rare, never-heard version of a great song comes on, however, it's usually when I'm pulling into a Target parking lot. Or when I'm pulling into my garage after a day at THE CHECK and really have to go to the bathroom. Never fails.
Anyway, if anyone out there is reading this and is looking for some good tunes, here is what I have been listening to lately:
--Ol' Yeller. A great Minneapolis band that sounds to me like a cross between Uncle Tupelo and The Old 97's.
--The Hold Steady. Former Minneapolis band now resides in New York. Lots of Twin Cities references in their songs. Craig Finn's voice reminds me of Bob Mould.
--Drive By Truckers. I heard them described as "The Southern Replacements." That is all I needed to hear. "A Blessing and a Curse" is excellent. They make you want to drink beer.
--Tim O'Reagan & Golden Smog. Simply good, 70's style alt-country tunes. Makes you want to cry and drink beer. Enough said.
--Joseph Arthur - "Nuclear Daydream." Anyone who knows me knows I am a sucker for pop hooks. This guy reminds me of a cross between Peter Gabriel and Pete Yorn, with some pop hooks. Good stuff.
Anyway, that is all I can think of for now. Got to get ready to make some pizza and watch the Wild play the Dallas Stars. The fact that the North Stars play in Dallas is the topic of a whole other rant with lots of swearing. That is just not right.
Jeff
http://www.rakemag.com/stories/section_detail.aspx?itemID=21355&catID=146&SelectCatID=146
Most of the new music that I hear is a result of listening to 89.3 The Current, and then rushing to log on to their web site to find out what is currently playing. It never fails, however, that if I turn on the Current while making dinner (yes, Maura, I know I rarely make dinner) some rap music will be played. And I absolutely despise rap. If a long-lost favorite, or some rare, never-heard version of a great song comes on, however, it's usually when I'm pulling into a Target parking lot. Or when I'm pulling into my garage after a day at THE CHECK and really have to go to the bathroom. Never fails.
Anyway, if anyone out there is reading this and is looking for some good tunes, here is what I have been listening to lately:
--Ol' Yeller. A great Minneapolis band that sounds to me like a cross between Uncle Tupelo and The Old 97's.
--The Hold Steady. Former Minneapolis band now resides in New York. Lots of Twin Cities references in their songs. Craig Finn's voice reminds me of Bob Mould.
--Drive By Truckers. I heard them described as "The Southern Replacements." That is all I needed to hear. "A Blessing and a Curse" is excellent. They make you want to drink beer.
--Tim O'Reagan & Golden Smog. Simply good, 70's style alt-country tunes. Makes you want to cry and drink beer. Enough said.
--Joseph Arthur - "Nuclear Daydream." Anyone who knows me knows I am a sucker for pop hooks. This guy reminds me of a cross between Peter Gabriel and Pete Yorn, with some pop hooks. Good stuff.
Anyway, that is all I can think of for now. Got to get ready to make some pizza and watch the Wild play the Dallas Stars. The fact that the North Stars play in Dallas is the topic of a whole other rant with lots of swearing. That is just not right.
Jeff
Friday, December 1, 2006
My first post
Because of the miracle of technology, and my wife, I now have a new way to communicate my views. I have spent my entire life talking incessantly about about a limited number of topics. These topics include: sports, sports stadiums, tunes, cholesterol, politics, & beer. "Politics" can include a rather broad number of issues, so that makes me feel a little smarter than the other topics. Anyway, because I am now 40 (see cholesterol) and don't get out much, I find myself talking about these things almost exclusively with my wife. Unfortunately, other than "tunes," she could not care in the least about any of these subjects. On the bright side, she is a very loving wife, and has taken the time to set up this site in which I can communicate my views to some people who might care, and "get it off my chest." Otherwise, my heart might explode, so I am very grateful to her.
So, please tune in from time to time if you want to read my thoughts on sports, stadiums, tunes, cholesterol, politics, & beer. I promise to throw in some extra news when I see fit. My son may add some information on monkeys, too. Lastly I don't swear too much, but if I do you'll know I'm really mad about something. Like the Vikings. They want to make me curse like a pirate, but that is a whole other post. I have told my kids that there are only two things in life that get me really mad - when their room is trashed and the Minnesota Vikings (and I am a fan of the team). Thanks. Talk to you soon.
So, please tune in from time to time if you want to read my thoughts on sports, stadiums, tunes, cholesterol, politics, & beer. I promise to throw in some extra news when I see fit. My son may add some information on monkeys, too. Lastly I don't swear too much, but if I do you'll know I'm really mad about something. Like the Vikings. They want to make me curse like a pirate, but that is a whole other post. I have told my kids that there are only two things in life that get me really mad - when their room is trashed and the Minnesota Vikings (and I am a fan of the team). Thanks. Talk to you soon.
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