More Things That I Don't Understand Because I am Getting Older...

Now that I am on "the other side of 40," I am noticing that there are certain things that are occurring in society that I do not understand. In fact, the list is growing longer every day. Here are two items that are extremely popular is today's society that have me perplexed:

1. Texting. I don't get it. I had a conversation last night about texting with my friend Pete The Weeg. Notice I said we had a "conversation" about texting - we didn't "text" each other about texting. Pete's also on the other side of 40, and we are in 100% agreement on the subject. We don't get it. Texting seems to be right up there with eating and sleeping in importance with today's youth, however.

Now, I understand e-mail, cell phones, Backberrys, iPhones, etc. Hey, I obviously even have my own blog so I don't think I'm exactly John McCain when it comes to technology. And everybody and their brother has a cell phone, which many seem to be using in every waking moment. Why don't these people just "call"their friends and relatives on the cell phone? Why do these texters feel the need to keep in constant contact with their buddies via the written conversation? And those abbreviations - "ADBB, Y, LOL, IMO, IDM, B/C, BBFN, PRW - what the hell do these mean? Or should I say "WTHDTM?" It's like conversing with Prince.

Pioneer Press columnist Joe Soucheray was talking about being in a waiting room and watching two teenagers sitting next to each other texting. It turns out that they were texting each other. That's pathetic. IMHO, all of this texting is breeding two negative phenomenons with "the youth":

A. Spelling ability is going down the tubes.

B. Kids can communicate with each other through technology, but can barely carry on a conversation when you look them in the eye, face to face. You ask them how their day is going and get a blank stare and "ahhhhhhhhhh.........."

I am kind of glad I missed the whole texting phenomenon. It seems like a huge pain in the ass.

2. Ultimate Fighting. For those of us who do not get our "violence fix" through the daily news, hockey fights, rap music or the latest Quentin Tarantino film, there is Ultimate Fighting. Up until this weekend, I didn't pay much attention to Ultimate Fighting because I thought it was on the same level of popularity as cock fighting. No sirree. There was a UFC bout this weekend at the Target Center featuring local legend Brock Lesner. Check out the numbers on the match from a Star Tribune article:

The UFC, the premier organization for mixed martial arts, will host a summer extravaganza Saturday at the Target Center. The card will feature a pair of local fighters: former University of Minnesota and NCAA wrestling champion Brock Lesnar and Roger Huerta, one of the top UFC fighters.

More than 12,000 tickets (expected capacity about 13,000) at an average of $188 -- tickets range from $50 to $600 -- have been sold. The card has already generated more than $2.2 million in gross ticket sales, a bigger gate than Prince, the Timberwolves, U2 or Bruce Springsteen ever had at a single event at Target Center.

"Not only do we sell them out, we break arena records," White said. "The gate, merchandise, concessions. We're Number 1. The Rolling Stones are usually Number 2."

WHAT? Folks - did I miss something here? Like the Apocalypse? For those of you who were unaware of what goes on in these "matches," here is some background from the same Star Tribune story:

The popularity is in the explosive nature of the sport. Mixed martial arts features a combination of boxing, wrestling and jiu-jitsu. In the UFC, competitors fight in a cage called "the octagon" and often win their fights by knockouts resulting from kicks, knees, elbows and punches and also, submission maneuvers. If a fight goes the distance -- generally three or five rounds, each lasting five minutes -- the contest is decided by three judges, similar to the scoring in boxing.

This ain't Vern Gagne and Baron Von Raske, folks. Check out the UFC "rules" straight from a martial arts web site (with my own notes). These are the only things that are not allowed - all else goes. This is good stuff:

Fouls:
1. Butting with the head.
2. Eye gouging of any kind.
3. Biting.
4. Hair pulling. (So far, 3 of the first 4 sound like a girl's sleep over.)
5. Fish hooking. (What?)
6. Groin attacks of any kind. (How many "kinds" are there?)
7. Putting a finger into any orifice or into any cut or laceration on an opponent. (Aw, darn it!)
8. Small joint manipulation. (Ummmm...yeah, that's bad)
9. Striking to the spine or the back of the head.
10. Striking downward using the point of the elbow.
11. Throat strikes of any kind, including, without limitation, grabbing the trachea. (Seriously - the trachea?)
12. Clawing, pinching or twisting the flesh.
13. Grabbing the clavicle.
14. Kicking the head of a grounded opponent.
15. Kneeing the head of a grounded opponent.
16. Stomping a grounded opponent.
17. Kicking to the kidney with the heel. (But kicking the kidney with any other part of the foot is OK : ) ! )
18. Spiking an opponent to the canvas on his head or neck.
19. Throwing an opponent out of the ring or fenced area.
20. Holding the shorts or gloves of an opponent. (Hand Holding is not allowed!)
21. Spitting at an opponent.
22. Engaging in an unsportsmanlike conduct that causes an injury to an opponent. (Isn't that basically the whole sport?)
23. Holding the ropes or the fence.
24. Using abusive language in the ring or fenced area. (You can nearly kill someone - but no swearing!)
25. Attacking an opponent on or during the break. (You, know, by the pop machine)
26. Attacking an opponent who is under the care of the referee.
27. Attacking an opponent after the bell has sounded the end of the period of unarmed combat.
28. Flagrantly disregarding the instructions of the referee.
29. Timidity, including, without limitation, avoiding contact with an opponent, intentionally or consistently dropping the mouthpiece or faking an injury. (No sissies!)
30. Interference by the corner.
31. Throwing in the towel during competition. (Allow yourself to be killed! See # 29...)

Well, there you go. I don't know about you, but that sounds pretty entertaining! Maybe I'll pop some popcorn and gather the kids around the TV for the next bout. The only thing that is missing would be a Lion or a Tiger in the "octagon." Wait a minute...that is not in the list of no-no's.

Yep, I'm now officially part of the "older generation." I'm going to watch the Twins play baseball now.....

Jeff