You Big Dummies

I don't know about you, but I am beginning to suspect that some of the players in the National Football League might not be the smartest individuals to walk the Earth. Granted, I have been following the Minnesota Vikings for the last 35 years, and they have provided me with more than enough material to lead to this belief. Now, however, I'm beginning to notice that an increasing number of individuals from other squads are also doing stupid things and getting into trouble with The Law. Take the entire Cincinnati Bengal team, for instance. Simply put, they're all criminals. Every last one of them. I've also noticed that the combination of a football player and a strip club can lead to no good at all. There is the example of everybody's favorite citizen, Pac-Man Jones. Nothing good can come from $81,000 in one-dollar bills, a few guns, and a guy named Pac-Man. We all know what happened a few months back at a strip club in Vegas. Now, amazingly, after being banned from the NFL for a year and possibly facing felony charges, Pac-Man decided to return to a strip club for a couple of lap dances. What could it hurt. Here's what:

Jones Faces Two Felony Charges in Las Vegas Club Fight
By Aaron Kuriloff

June 20 (Bloomberg) -- Tennessee Titans cornerback Pacman Jones, suspended for the 2007 season after repeated run-ins with the law, was charged with coercion involving a fight in a Las Vegas strip club that that left an employee paralyzed.

The Clark County District Attorney charged the National Football League player with two felony counts. Jones threatened to kill club employees and bit one of them on the ankle, according to court papers. Jones's lawyer, Manny Arora, didn't immediately return a call to his mobile phone seeking comment.

For the love of God, Pac-Man, can't you just rent some pornos and stay home? The public would be much safer. It's like Pac-Man thinks he's in Pulp Fiction or something. He not only threatened to "kill" club employees - hit bit one on the ankle. How? The man is insane. I bet those Titans "Jones" jerseys are not selling too well in the kids section in Tennessee JC Pennies.

Members of the Packers are even getting in on the action, for Cliff's sake, although you may not have heard about it. Here's the latest that I found hidden on page B23 of the Local section of the Milwaukee Journal:

Green Bay - Green Bay Packers linebacker Nick Barnett might have picked the worst time to find himself in trouble. The fourth-year veteran was arrested Sunday morning in Appleton on battery charges and posted $500 bond. He was not at practice on Monday or available for comment. The Packers are not only upset about the incident, they are concerned about the consequences. On the day that Barnett signed his six-year, $34.85 million contract extension with the Packers on April 10, National Football League Commissioner Roger Goodell disclosed his new, tougher conduct policy.

"The officers had learned that earlier a disturbance had occurred inside where Mr. Barnett had pushed down a female inside the bar," DeWall said. "Based upon that information, some witnesses and information we obtained from the victim, we arrested him for battery."
The confrontation created a stir in the entertainment district of Appleton, so about a dozen officers arrived at the scene to control the crowd.

Initially, Appleton police said they thought Barnett was arguing with the club's owner. But the owner, Kathy Peotter, denied that, saying she was working and bartending when she saw Barnett exit Wet. It is not clear with whom Barnett was arguing outside the club, but Peotter said Barnett looked unhappy when he left. Peotter said several Packers were at her club Thursday, Friday and Saturday and she knew Barnett somewhat.

"He's always been a gentleman. I've never seen him drunk or crazy," Peotter said.

For sure. Now, we all know, Packer fans, that this probably never happened. Right? I'm sure Barnett was on his way to a charity function and stopped at the bar for directions.

But lets' get back to the Minnesota Vikings. One of the most recent examples of Viking idiocy is The Boat Cruise on Lake Minnetonka. We all know the story. Booze, women, gambling, Vikings. A bad combination. A recent interview, however, with ex-Viking Fred (Smootzie) Smoot has made me rethink the whole thing. For those of you who don't remember Smootzie, he was the fast-talking Cornerback the Vikes picked up from the Washington Redskins. Well, he's back with the Redskins. He always reminded me of LaMont's friend Rollo Larson in Sanford and Son.

According to Smootzie, "Nothing happened on that boat." I believe Smoot should define "nothing." It's like when I hear a huge CRASH up in my kids room and I ask them what happened and they say "...nothing." Here's some more of Smoot's thoughts:

"No one touched a woman," Smoot said in the article. "There were no DUIs. We were driven home in limos. As soon as we were accused, it was like, 'They're football players. They must be guilty.' Yes, we drank, but we were all old enough to drink. There were women on the boat, but no one touched them. There was no sex party. We're smarter than that. Believe me, it was hard talking to my mother after the story broke. But after I explained to her what really happened, she understood."

More Smoot wisdom:

"I wasn't the organizer," said Smoot, who pled guilty to a charge of disorderly conduct and was ordered to perform 48 hours of community service and pay $2,000 in fines. "I was the new guy. I was along for the ride. The media took the four guys with the biggest contracts -- me, Daunte Culpepper, Bryant McKinnie and Moe Williams -- and blew the story out of proportion."

Smoot was a bit off in his calculations, considering Williams, a backup running back, had a base salary of $665,000 that season.

"... Look at the criminal charges," Smoot continued: "Disturbing the peace. A $1,000 fine. Do you think that's what it would've been if anything had happened?"

Well, there you have it. Rollo, I mean Smootzie, waz framed. This makes me wonder about Pac Man, and the Bengals. Maybe these are all made up stories to make the NFL look bad! Well, maybe not Pac Man. He's nuts.

Peace,

Jeff