Monkeys are cool and everything, but...

I thought I was done posting any thoughts for the day, but (once again) something came up that I could not leave well enough alone. I was reading the St. Paul Pioneer Press, and I came across an article by William Kole about a monkey in Vienna, Austria named Hiasl. Now, this is not something in of itself that would cause me to log on and start typing. You see, Hiasl - the monkey - has lived with another monkey named Rosi for 25 years in an animal sanctuary in Vienna which is now bankrupt. That is truly bad news because Hazel and Rosi might end up homeless. Now, stay with me here. You see, animal-rights activists are coming to the rescue and they are taking a never-before-tried tactic to save the monkeys. Thus, the post tonight. They are trying to have the monkeys declared as:

People.

Yes. I hope you were sitting down for that one. The animal rights activists are trying to have the monkeys declared as people. Here's a quote:

"Our main argument is that Hiasl is a person and has basic legal rights," said Eberhart Theuer, a lawyer leading the challenge on behalf of the Association Against Animal Factories, a Vienna animal-rights group.

Right! Now, strap yourselves in and get ready for this one:

"If we can get Hiasl declared a person, he would have the right to own property. Then, if people wanted to donate something to him, he'd have the right to receive it," said Theuer, who has vowed to take the case to the European Court of Human Rights if necessary.

Now, I like monkeys and everything, but "he would have the right to own property?" Like a condo or something? Each visit to Como Zoo, I am even guaranteed to say "wow - those gorillas really look like people!" I never have said, however,"wow - those gorillas are people!" Am I missing something here? They're monkeys. I mean, you can call them apples if you want, but they're still monkeys.

Folks, I used to laugh about the idea of Planet of the Apes, but I'm not so sure anymore. That movie might have been a cautionary tale for our future. Those orangutans always look like they are plotting something. We're entering new dimensions of life here. It could be kind of a slippery slope if monkeys are granted "personhood." What about other animals? Sure, monkeys possess the most human-like traits of all animals. But, I knew a guy that kind of looked like a hippo, and a gal that resembled an ostrich. Should we declare hippos and ostriches "people?"

Don't get me wrong - I hope everything goes well for the people, I mean monkeys. I just think it's a big step to declare them people and grant them property rights and everything. Am I off base on this? Please let me know....

Jeff