Har Mar Update

It's been months since I have written about everyone's favorite shopping complex in the Twin Cities, Har-Mar Mall. Yes, Shitdale. Much has happened since that last post. The theatres that smelled like an odd combination of B.O. and pepperoni have closed and have been replaced by a modern 14-screen multiplex at nearby Rosedale Mall. The Firestone Tires that ripped me off countless times (I always thought I was getting a good deal) has been demolished. Fresh coats of paint and a modern facade have been added to parts of both the exterior and interior of the mall. And get this - a Staples store (yes, that's right) is going in where the theatres used to be (so you can buy folders that smell like pepperoni and B.O.) and a D’Amico & Sons restaurant will grace the land that the Firestone used to sit on. I checked out the Har Mar web site and they even have a new slogan - "Shopping For Real Life." Like as in "We know you're not going to come here for cool stuff. You're going to come here for socks."

Lipstick on a pig, people.

Look, Har-Mar needs to be kept Shitty (I am working on a trademark for that - with shirts and bumper stickers). No upgrade is needed here. Plus, it's won't work. Adding a Staples and D’Amico & Sons at Har Mar is like serving Dom Perignon with Burger King. Well, sort of. Thank God that store where you can take old black and white photos and make them color is still there. And the pet store. And that women's clothing store that sells dresses for the hooker's prom (Dress Barn?). Check out this statement from the Har Mar web site:

"Since New York-based Emmes Realty Services acquired Har Mar two years ago, Vice President Richard Coles said, the company has come to see the mall that dates back to 1961 as an undiscovered gem in need of some new tenants and remodeling.

“Har Mar is one of the most exciting opportunities we’ve come across in 10 years,” he said.
Population density, traffic on busy Snelling Avenue, a SuperTarget across the street and nearby Rosedale Center all help position Har Mar as a prime location, Coles said. Retail observers also maintain that stores in Roseville experience some of the highest sales volumes in the Twin Cities.

Coles said he saw for himself how popular Har Mar was on a cold November night in 2006 when he walked into the mall and saw shoppers everywhere. “In spite of itself with two antiquated movie theaters, frankly eyesore movie theaters, Har Mar was doing tremendous business,” he said."

Now wait a minute. I want to know what "cold November night in 2006 when shoppers were everywhere" this Coles guy is talking about. There must have been some big-time craft boutique going on. Look, I've been in Har Mar on some cold November (and warm June, July and August) nights in which a guy could streak naked while screaming into a bullhorn and not get noticed. But that is why I love the place. Hey, if I need shoes at Famous Footwear, good parking is virtually guaranteed! You want a slice of pizza at the walk-in Dominoes? Hell, come on back in the kitchen and make it yourself!


We do not need another copy-cat mall just like all of the other "Dales." We need a shitty mall, no - we need OUR shitty mall, just like it has always been. Arts and Crafts shows (like the one to the right)! Coloring contests! Used book shops! Uneven floors and odd smells!



Say it with me people - KEEP HAR-MAR SHITTY!


Jeff