Back In The Normal Universe

After spending 5 weeks in a parallel universe, the Minnesota Vikings are finally back in their normal stratosphere. They lost 32-21 to the Washington Redskins, blowing their best (and possibly only) chance to make the playoffs for the 2008 season. I had very, very bad vibes before this game. I expressed this to couple of you, but decided against putting any mention of these bad vibes in this blog. I wanted to be positive (the ultimate in irony). In fact, after the Vikings got tackled for a safety early in this game, I declared "I'm going to try and be positive tonight." My oldest son's response was "good luck with that."

Yep. He knows his dad.

Here are some thoughts on the game:

1. Tavarius Jackson is completely overmatched. I am not saying he is not a capable NFL Quarterback. He is not a capable STARTING NFL Quarterback. The Vikings need to find another starting quarterback next year. Jackson has got to quit jumping in the air while throwing. It's killing me.

2. Teams know how to defense Adrian Peterson. Hey, if you can't pass, 8 guys consistently in the box will usually stop Walter Payton and Barry Sanders.

3. Chilly was out-coached tonight. He knew he was duped on that "12 men on the field" challenge by Gibbs. He was completely duped, and he knew it. Lesson learned (?). Probably not.

4. I can't remember the last time the Vikings won a game in which John Madden was the commentator. Seriously, it's been years. He is a jinx - plain and simple. I think Madden only brought up Brettfavre once, though.

5. I knew deep down the game was lost as soon as Fred (Smootzie) Smoots had an interception. Cuz you know, nothing bad that ever happened to Smootzie while he was in Minnesota was his fault ("he wuz robbed") ("nothing happened on that boat"). The fact that he is still playing and will probably be in the playoffs is proof that Satan exists.

6. Another reason I knew they were going to lose? I wore the Old School Cris Carter jersey during the game. Never, ever, get excited enough to ever don Vikings apparel. It'll burn you every time. I even bought chips and salsa and had CR over to watch the game. The last time I did stuff like that the Vikes lost 41-0 to the Giants in the NFC Championship game.

Oh, well. Now that we have passed out of the parallel universe, it is almost comforting to be back in reality. While we were in a parallel universe and the Vikings were winning, I didn't know what kind of other crazy stuff was going to happen. I didn't know if aliens were going to land and abduct me, or if dragons were going to descend on St. Paul. Or maybe good things would happen, like I would understand how to fix broken appliances or something. But probably not. Now things can get back to normal.

Peace, and Merry Christmas.

Jeff

Christmas Card From What Jeff Thinks

I know what you are thinking. Each day when you check the mail and receive Christmas cards from the large majority of your friends, one is missing. Each day, you think "....geez, we received a card from everybody except that ass-hole Jeff." Well, don't feel bad, because we have not sent them out the last few years. Now, this is not some political or religious statement. I love the Christmas season. And it certainly is not because my family is not photogenic. As you know, we are damn good-looking. It is out of laziness, pure and simple, and I apologize for that.

So, I would like each of you to consider this a Christmas Card from What Jeff Thinks. I appreciate your readership and commentary.

And, we'll get back to sending legitimate Christmas Cards in 2008.

Peace,

Jeff

What A Joke

Well, there you have it, folks. Baseball Armageddon. The Four Horseman are mounting up on their steeds. The Seattle Mariners Baseball Club, in their infinite wisdom, have signed starting pitcher Carlos Silva for:

4 years - $48 million dollars.

Yes, you read that correctly. Never before has a player so completely mediocre (bordering on bad, even) been signed for so much money. This would be funny if the ramifications on baseball were not so sad. Here are Silva's 2007 statistics:

13 wins

14 losses

4.19 ERA

202 Innings Pitched - 229 Hits Allowed

THAT is worth $12 million a year?

My God, what will Johan Santana be worth?? How about 106 GA-zillion a year?

Trade Santana now, Twins, while you can get something in return. What an absolute joke.

Jeff

Midweek Thoughts...

Here are the important topics that are on my mind today:

1. I attended the Viking-Bear game with Pete Monday night. It was a blast. The Vikings won the game 20-13 mainly due to the ineptitude of Bears QB Kyle Orton and the prehistoric Chicago offense. I was a little concerned, however, during the first half when the Vikes were turning the ball over on virtually every drive. I found myself uttering "they are doing it again..." over and over again. They turned it around, however, and I give them credit for winning an ugly game. Which brings me to my next thought:

2. There were lots of Bears fans in attendance on Monday night. Now, I have lived in either Minnesota or Wisconsin my entire life. It is my opinion that people from these two states are inherently the same. Sure, there are some minor differences, but the northern-midwest cultures and outlooks on life are basically the same. I don't know about Bear fans from Illinois. Or White Sox fans from Illinois. Or Blackhawks fans from Illinois. You get the picture. Now, don't get me wrong - Chicago has great fans. But, I have been to plenty of Packers/Brewers games here at the Dome or in Wisconsin, and those fans just want to have a good time and drink some beer. Sure, there is some good-natured ribbing, but overall it's a good time. From my experience, Chicago fans have an air of superiority and smugness about them that is unmatched in the Midwest. They don't smile much either. And they are very loud. Most walked into the Dome Monday night with a look that seemingly pronounced "Hey rubes, I'm from Chicago!" But they were very quiet as they filed out of the Dome after the game, so it was worth it.

3. Speaking of Chicago, anybody out there still think the Twins should have drafted Mark Prior over Joe Mauer?

4. Speaking of the Twins, they missed out on a great opportunity by not obtaining the rights to Japanese star Kosuke Fukudome. What a perfect last name for a Twins player as the new stadium is being built: fuk-u-dome.

5. Speaking again of the Twins, there are rumors that Carlos Silva is going to sign a 4-year contract with the Seattle Mariners worth $44 million. Once again, my Eau Claire public-school math tells me that is $11 million per year. If Carlos Silva, a .500 pitcher at best, is worth $11 million a year, Johan Santana is worth $75 million a year. And my paperboy is worth $200 grand a year. And the guy who served me a burger at Wendy's is worth $500 grand a year. and so on.....

That's all I have for now.

Jeff

The Vision - Becoming Clearer

The September Vision that I had of the Packers winning the Super Bowl is coming along quite nicely. While the Packers were trouncing the St. Louis Rams today, this happened:

Eagles 10 - Cowboys 6.

I'm sure all of you are sick of hearing this, but the Pack will win out, and the Cowboys will choke against the Redskins the last week of the season. The Packers will have home-field advantage in the playoffs, represent the NFC and BEAT New England in the Super Bowl. There is nothing that can be done about this. It's like the sun setting in the West.

Folks, does anyone really believe the Dallas Cowboys are a Super Bowl team? They almost lost to the Lions last week (sorry dools) for God sakes. Then they go and put up 6 points at home to the Eagles? Sweet. Right now, I believe in my heart that the Vikings would put a beating on the Cowboys. In fact, we're so far into this crazy parallel universe that I am going to go out on a limb and say that, as of 12-16-07 at 9:32 PM, the Vikings are the 2nd best team in the NFC. As always, this says more about the NFC than it does the Vikings.

Oh, and by the way, I have good news and bad news for Tony Romo. Here it is:

Good news: Possible Romo love-interest Jessica Simpson attended the game in Dallas today.

Bad news: Possible Romo love-interest Jessica Simpson attended the game in Dallas today.

That story was actually covered on msn.com. Wow, nice game Tony. So much for Jessica Simpson. Better luck next time.

By the way, I will be attending the Vikes-Bears game Monday night at the Dome with my friend Pete. If history remains true, we'll be sitting next to some "really nice people" from Illinois. More on that later.

Peace,

Jeff

More Stuff Falls In My Lap

I wasn't really planning on blogging today, but sometimes stuff just falls in my lap and screams to be written about. Today, we have Dwight Smith of the Minnesota Vikings. The Vikings, as you may know, have won 5 out of their last 6 games and can possibly make the playoffs. They have also enjoyed a nice run off of the field, with nobody getting arrested in months(!). This is where Safety Dwight Smith comes into the equation. From today's Star Tribune:

Vikings safety Dwight Smith faces significant NFL discipline after admitting that he smoked marijuana Thursday night in downtown Minneapolis.

Minneapolis police cited Smith for possession of marijuana and obstructing traffic, both petty misdemeanors, at the intersection of 2nd Avenue S. and 4th Street S.

Smith was among a group of players Thursday night who attended a fundraiser hosted by linebacker E.J. Henderson at Bellanotte restaurant. According to the police report, an officer saw Smith's car impeding traffic in front of Sheik's Palace Royale nightclub at 10:11 p.m. The officer approached the car and "smelled the strong odor of marijuana," according to the report. The report also said Smith "admitted he just got done smoking some marijuana."

Nice. You know, I really believe that the Vikings have rid their team of most of their bad characters recently, but as I have commented to many people, Smith is a reminder of "the Fred Smootzie days." I hear Smith interviewed after games and I think "bad guy." This is not Smithzie's first brush with the law in downtown Minneapolis. As you may remember, he was caught in a stairwell "receiving a favor" from a woman (must have been a fan) from Hudson. Now, I am not saying that smoking pot and "receiving favors" are on par with domestic abuse, robbery, etc., but, my God, have some smarts! If you need to do this stuff (because you're keepin' it real), don't do it in public in downtown Minneapolis with cops everywhere. What an idiot.

But here is the funny part that caused me to have to blog immediately this morning. It turns out Coach Childress actually took time during the offseason to "educate" players on "the dangers of downtown social life." According to the same story by Kevin Seifert and Judd Zulgad here is what Chilly did this summer:

Childress said he personally walked the beat with Minneapolis police officers during the offseason, attended a squad meeting and left his cellular phone number on a bulletin board to promote his accessibility with police.

Childress also visited individual nightclubs, including Spin -- where cornerback Cedric Griffin was arrested in April. Childress said he used those visits to develop a detailed video and educational program for players during offseason workouts.

I had to read that three times and make sure that it was the Star Tribune and not the Onion that I was reading. Chilly actually visited EACH downtown establishment that his players might show up at (you know, there are a few strip clubs down there) so he could warn them of their dangers. I am not making this up. Here's a quote from Chilly:

"I don't have my head in the sand," Childress said. "We are always trying to be proactive about these things. I stood up there and told them, 'Hey fellas, I've spent time down there.' Here are some of the things that go on."

Now that is funny. Chilly is going to tell his players about what goes on in the clubs in Minneapolis. You know, I think I am going to try and use this one on my wife. "Honey, I HAD to go to each and every strip club in Minneapolis so I could warn my kids of some of the things that go on there."

You cannot make this stuff up. Sometimes stuff just falls in your lap.

Go Vikes.

Jeff

Where Have You Gone Kent Hrbek, A Nation Turns Its Lonely Eyes To You...

You know, there used to be a day when baseball players didn't look like Gold's Gym workout fanatics. A guy could look like a fat tub of goo and still play in the majors based on his ability. Look at Babe Ruth. Hot dogs and bourbon, baby. A more recent example, and one of my favorite players of all-time, is Kent Hrbek. He got by on The Big Three - Beer, Brats & Bowling. And I loved him for that. You know that Kent didn't dabble in any "extracurriculars" on the side.

Well, we found out today why many players in recent memory looked like Gold's Gym workout fanatics. Many DID dabble in the extracurriculars, you see. They were on frickin' steroids. The so-called Mitchell report was published today and implicated more than 80 Major League Baseball players, current and past, for using steroids. This really doesn't shock me, but there it is in black and white. I have to read more of this report to digest what it implies. There are some well-known names on this list. Roger Clemens, Lenny Dykstra, Andy Pettitte, David Justice, Mo Vaughn, Miguel Tejada, Rafael Palmeiro (don't they mean Viagra?), etc. Before I can comment more on the implications of this report, I have to do some thinking. However, there are a few names on the report that I am ready to comment on:

1. Chuck Knoblauch. Now we know why he suddenly couldn't throw to first base. We also know what might have contributed to him being such an ass-hole off the field. Roid-rage, baby. Or maybe he was just an ass-hole.

2. Rondell White. Now, come on. Really? Did steroids help Rondell hit the ball further? I don't know, he never hit the ball.

3. Derrick Turnbow. Where did Derrick apply the steroids - his hair?

This, no doubt, taints the game of baseball. Baseball is the Grand Old Game, however, and has survived other scandals. It will survive this one.

At least we'll always have Kent Hrbek. Beer, brats & bowling.

Peace,

Jeff