Some things on my mind:
1. In an update to the "bear" attack story (see previous post), officials are now claiming it was a "bobcat" who attacked a man in Itasca State Park. Yeah, right. What will it be tomorrow - a hippo? People, it was a Sasquatch.
2. Roseville, Minnesota is a first-ring suburb just north of St. Paul. I live quite close to Roseville, and do most of my errand running there. It's made up of strip malls, some very nice parks, and several old-folks homes. And I mean several. You see, the average age of a Roseville resident is 106. I am continually shocked and amazed by how old people are in Roseville. Now, this is not a rip. God bless them all. You don't get to 106 by not taking care of yourself. The only real problem that I see is their driving. When you are driving through Roseville, make sure to watch very carefully for Lincolns, Cadillacs, and Oldsmobile's as long as yachts with handicap signs and no visual driver. They will run stop signs, stop at green lights or in the middle of the road or pull out in front of you like you do not exist. All at 7 miles per hour (just to be safe!). And, they will park wherever they damn well please.
Most of the time, these folks will park at The House of Wong, an Asian restaurant in a strip mall near Blockbuster. This restaurant is the epicenter of old in Roseville, and it's an institution. Many generations of Rosevillians have eaten there. Most of them within the last week. And, by the way, it's about as "authentic" Asian as Arby's, but that is not important. The House of Wong must have some seriously good Chow Main, or some seriously low prices. Maybe the older you are, the less you pay. If that's the case, I have a feeling that The House of Wong actually OWES money to a few of their patrons. I swear the other day I say a couple in their late 70's walking THEIR MOTHER into the place. She was literally 3 1/2 feet tall. I was idling in my car (going to Rainbow for groceries, of course) waiting for the three of them to cross the street and enter Wong's House. I read the entire sports section while waiting. Unbelievable.
Maybe these old folks know something that I don't, however. Maybe it's not the food or prices that keep them coming back. Maybe that contraption disguised as a pop machine is actually the Fountain of Youth. Or they sprinkle some kind of "youth dust" on their food, like in Peter Pan. Maybe it's not the Zocor that will keep me living into my 100's, maybe I just have to eat at The House of Wong! I'm definitely walking there, however. Driving around Roseville is not the way to live a long life.
3. Freealonzo made mention of the problems that daily newspapers are having in his comments on the last post. While there are many reasons for this, I believe that the "wrap around advertising" that has appeared over the last few months is squarely to blame. Every morning, the sports section in both the Pioneer Press and Strib have these wrap around covers that force you to remove them before reading. It's not a big deal but, much like Chinese water-torture, it raises my blood pressure just a bit. Many times these advertisements are disguised as a "Special Automotive Section." Curse you Denny Hecker!
4. Not that it really matters, but did anyone really think that the Timberwolves were actually going to move UP in the NBA draft lottery? We are talking about the organization that is both the worst-run and unluckiest in sports. They have never moved up in the lottery in their existence. The one year they finished with the worst record in the NBA, they fell to third in the draft and selected Christine Laettner. The two picks ahead of the Wolves? Shaquille O'Neal and Alonzo Mourning. Nice. This year, they were slotted to pick 7th, and (sure enough) were selected to pick 7th. Here's a funny little ditty - the Wolves actually finished with the same record as the Portland Jail Blazers in 2006. That means that a coin flip would determine who got the right to the "higher" of the two picks. Portland won the coin flip (did you think they wouldn't?) and the rights to the higher pick. Do you know who was eventually selected to pick FIRST overall? Hey - Portland!!! And, as mentioned, the Wolves will pick 7th.
But, let's look on the bright side. Last year, the Timberwolves actually selected the 2006 Rookie of the Year - Brandon Roy. One "minor" detail is that they traded him right after the pick to Portland for Randy Foye. Again, very nice.
I'm not going to go into describing the list of bad moves and bad luck the Wolves have had since joining the NBA in 1990. If I took the time to do that, I would miss work on Monday. Let's just say that they have firmly planted themselves behind the Vikings, Twins and Wild as the least popular professional franchise in the Twin Cities. I think it's time to trade Kevin Garnett, blow this thing up, and start over.
Peace,
Jeff
Saturday, May 26, 2007
Thursday, May 24, 2007
A Curious Bear? I Think Not.
Check this story out from today's Star Tribune:
By Tim Harlow, Star Tribune
In what park officials are calling an "oddity," a small bear or other wild animal wandered into a camp site and attacked a man while he slept Thursday morning at a popular state park in northwestern Minnesota.
The animal entered the tent of a 28-year-old man at Itasca State Park around 2 a.m. and batted him around for a short time causing a half-dozen "swipe" type lacerations 2 inches long to the facial area that are consistent with a wild animal's claw, the Clearwater County Sheriff said. Mark LaBarbera, communications director for the Department of Natural Resources, said conservation officers and the park ranger have not determined what kind of animal attacked the man, but it is possible it was a curious bear who wandered into the campsite near the headwaters of the Mississippi River. Park rangers notified other campers about the incident but have not issued any official warnings for the many visitors who will arrive for Memorial Day weekend, one of the park's busiest of the season.
"We don't want to overly alarm people," LaBarbera said. "It's rare for people to have bears or other critters come into their campsites. It does happen, but this has not been a problem."
LaBarbera said animals are more likely to be attracted to camp sites when there are food scraps available, but in this case the man had no food in his tent and his camp site was clean. According to the Clearwater County Sheriff and the DNR, the man, a Creighton University professor, was at the park with a group of 10 students. He was sleeping in a two-man domed tent away from the students. The man told investigators that he didn't see or hear anything but woke up when something came into his open tent and "batted him around and the left."In 21 years as a senior park administrator, I've never had an incident where a state park camper was hurt by an animal," said Courtland Nelson, of the DNR. "This is an oddity."
Conservation officials have set a trap with food scraps to see what type of animals visit it in hopes of learning what type of animal might have attacked the man. According to the DNR, a variety of wildlife, including deer, chipmunks, porcupine, squirrels, beavers, wolves and black bears reside in the 32,690 acre park between Park Rapids and Bemidji.
Folks, if you want to believe the ruse, just keep thinking that it was a "curious bear" or "other critter" that terrorized this campsite. There are holes all over this story, however. What we have here is a Sasquatch attack - no question. Now I have written about The Sasquatch before. It is a subject that I am well-versed on from watching In Search Of. Let's check out the facts:
By Tim Harlow, Star Tribune
In what park officials are calling an "oddity," a small bear or other wild animal wandered into a camp site and attacked a man while he slept Thursday morning at a popular state park in northwestern Minnesota.
The animal entered the tent of a 28-year-old man at Itasca State Park around 2 a.m. and batted him around for a short time causing a half-dozen "swipe" type lacerations 2 inches long to the facial area that are consistent with a wild animal's claw, the Clearwater County Sheriff said. Mark LaBarbera, communications director for the Department of Natural Resources, said conservation officers and the park ranger have not determined what kind of animal attacked the man, but it is possible it was a curious bear who wandered into the campsite near the headwaters of the Mississippi River. Park rangers notified other campers about the incident but have not issued any official warnings for the many visitors who will arrive for Memorial Day weekend, one of the park's busiest of the season.
"We don't want to overly alarm people," LaBarbera said. "It's rare for people to have bears or other critters come into their campsites. It does happen, but this has not been a problem."
LaBarbera said animals are more likely to be attracted to camp sites when there are food scraps available, but in this case the man had no food in his tent and his camp site was clean. According to the Clearwater County Sheriff and the DNR, the man, a Creighton University professor, was at the park with a group of 10 students. He was sleeping in a two-man domed tent away from the students. The man told investigators that he didn't see or hear anything but woke up when something came into his open tent and "batted him around and the left."In 21 years as a senior park administrator, I've never had an incident where a state park camper was hurt by an animal," said Courtland Nelson, of the DNR. "This is an oddity."
Conservation officials have set a trap with food scraps to see what type of animals visit it in hopes of learning what type of animal might have attacked the man. According to the DNR, a variety of wildlife, including deer, chipmunks, porcupine, squirrels, beavers, wolves and black bears reside in the 32,690 acre park between Park Rapids and Bemidji.
Folks, if you want to believe the ruse, just keep thinking that it was a "curious bear" or "other critter" that terrorized this campsite. There are holes all over this story, however. What we have here is a Sasquatch attack - no question. Now I have written about The Sasquatch before. It is a subject that I am well-versed on from watching In Search Of. Let's check out the facts:
1. A curious bear? The park rangers fully admit that would be "an oddity." Everybody knows that bears are scared of people and do not want to be near them. The Sasquatch? Definitely NOT scared of people. Bears MAY gravitate towards people if there is food around, which leads us to #2.
2. There was no food around. Why, then, would a bear want to check out the campsite? It is true that The Sasquatch would PREFER that there was food in the campsite, but it is not necessary. Sometimes, they just like to kick people's ass. Or, as this story says, "bat people around and leave." Enough said.
3. The man who was attacked by "the critter" (nudge, nudge - wink, wink) says he did not "see or hear anything." Everyone also knows that bears that bears are loud, lumbering creatures who snort as they move. They are anything but quiet. They knock things over all of the time. Sasquatches? They are quiet as mice, even though they average 8 feet tall and 500 pounds. Doesn't everyone remember this from In Search Of? The fact that they are so quiet helps explain why one has never been caught. Would YOU want to be the first Sasquatch ever caught? Hell, no. You learn to be QUIET.
4. Itasca State Park is 32,690 acres, as the story states. This is plenty of room for The Sasquatch to roam and hide. Who knows what other species live in that vast forest? There could be armies of aliens and their ships in there, plotting to take over. But that is a whole other post.
5. Park officials have set up traps with different types of food in hopes to catch "whatever it was" that attacked the campsite. Well, good luck with that. It's just a waste of good food, traps and time. A common bear might fall for that, but not The Sasquatch. Plus, do you know how big that trap would have to be? The other name for Sasquatch is "Big Foot" for God sakes.
So, keep kidding yourself if it helps you sleep at night. Yeah, it was a curious bear. Winnie the Pooh looking for honey, perhaps. Deep down, we all know what is was that attacked that campsite:
Wednesday, May 23, 2007
Good News and Bad News
The first-ever nationwide poll of American Muslims shows that they are more assimilated that their European counterparts. I have never been a big fan of polls, because how the questions are worded can skew the answers. Also, a person's mood, recent experiences and sobriety level can effect how they answer when taking the poll. The wonks who develop and administer these polls, however, claim they are a scientific representation of our society. So who am I to argue? Here is some tidbits from a Washington Post article about the poll:
The survey by the Pew Research Center found that 78 percent of U.S. Muslims said the use of suicide bombings against civilian targets to defend Islam is never justified. But 5 percent said it is justified "rarely," 7 percent said "sometimes," and 1 percent said "often;" the remaining 9 percent said they did not know or declined to answer. By comparison, Muslims in France, Spain and Britain were almost twice as likely to say suicide bombing is sometimes or often justified.
Titled "Muslim Americans: Middle Class and Mostly Mainstream," the Pew report draws a picture of a diverse population of about 2.35 million U.S. Muslims, of which two-thirds of the adults were born abroad, and which has a generally positive view of the larger society. Most call their communities good or excellent places to live, and most report that a large portion of their closest friends are non-Muslims. They are slightly more satisfied than the general public is with the state of the nation. On balance, they believe Muslims coming to the United States should adopt American customs, rather than trying to remain distinct.
Overall, I think the results of the poll are positive news for Americans. I believe in my heart that the voice of the moderate Muslim needs to be heard - loudly - to help overcome the threat of militant Muslims. I don't think Bin Laden cares what a white Lutheran in Minnesota with blond hair and glasses has to say about the religion of Islam. The opposition to Muslim extremists must come from moderate Muslims.
I guess it's good news that 75% of American Muslims believe suicide bombing is never justified. On the flipside, it's a little unnerving that the other 25% believe it is justified "in certain situations." According to the story, the younger the Muslim, the more likely they are to believe in the justification of suicide bombing. Here is what the story had to say:
Still, the survey found "pockets of sympathy for extremism," particularly among African-Americans and young Muslims, said Andrew Kohut, president of the Pew Research Center.
Nine percent of African-American Muslims expressed a favorable attitude toward Osama bin Laden's terrorist organization, while 36 percent held a very unfavorable view. Among foreign-born Muslims, 3 percent voiced a favorable view of al-Qaida and 63 percent took a "very unfavorable" position.
Muslims under 30 are more religious than their elders and are more inclined to support suicide bombing and more likely to identify themselves as Muslims first, then Americans, the poll found.
Why do older Muslims believe that suicide bombing is never justified? My belief is that the older you get, the more you realize that strapping bombs around your waist and blowing up is a bad idea. That's just my take.
I don't know how I'd feel about this poll if I was a resident of Britain, France or another European nation with a large population of Muslims. Well, actually I do know how I feel - bummed out. I have read many accounts of the increasing numbers of militant Muslims who are residing in these European nations. These extremist individuals (who I believe are the small, yet very dangerous, minority of Muslims) move from their war-torn, hellish countries to live in European nations (or America), study at Western Universities, utilize public services, etc., and then call for the destruction of that nation. This differs greatly from the thinking of immigrants that have come to the United States and other Western nations over the last couple of centuries who want to assimilate into the culture and make a better life for themselves and their families.
And not blow things up.
Just something to think about.
Jeff
The survey by the Pew Research Center found that 78 percent of U.S. Muslims said the use of suicide bombings against civilian targets to defend Islam is never justified. But 5 percent said it is justified "rarely," 7 percent said "sometimes," and 1 percent said "often;" the remaining 9 percent said they did not know or declined to answer. By comparison, Muslims in France, Spain and Britain were almost twice as likely to say suicide bombing is sometimes or often justified.
Titled "Muslim Americans: Middle Class and Mostly Mainstream," the Pew report draws a picture of a diverse population of about 2.35 million U.S. Muslims, of which two-thirds of the adults were born abroad, and which has a generally positive view of the larger society. Most call their communities good or excellent places to live, and most report that a large portion of their closest friends are non-Muslims. They are slightly more satisfied than the general public is with the state of the nation. On balance, they believe Muslims coming to the United States should adopt American customs, rather than trying to remain distinct.
Overall, I think the results of the poll are positive news for Americans. I believe in my heart that the voice of the moderate Muslim needs to be heard - loudly - to help overcome the threat of militant Muslims. I don't think Bin Laden cares what a white Lutheran in Minnesota with blond hair and glasses has to say about the religion of Islam. The opposition to Muslim extremists must come from moderate Muslims.
I guess it's good news that 75% of American Muslims believe suicide bombing is never justified. On the flipside, it's a little unnerving that the other 25% believe it is justified "in certain situations." According to the story, the younger the Muslim, the more likely they are to believe in the justification of suicide bombing. Here is what the story had to say:
Still, the survey found "pockets of sympathy for extremism," particularly among African-Americans and young Muslims, said Andrew Kohut, president of the Pew Research Center.
Nine percent of African-American Muslims expressed a favorable attitude toward Osama bin Laden's terrorist organization, while 36 percent held a very unfavorable view. Among foreign-born Muslims, 3 percent voiced a favorable view of al-Qaida and 63 percent took a "very unfavorable" position.
Muslims under 30 are more religious than their elders and are more inclined to support suicide bombing and more likely to identify themselves as Muslims first, then Americans, the poll found.
Why do older Muslims believe that suicide bombing is never justified? My belief is that the older you get, the more you realize that strapping bombs around your waist and blowing up is a bad idea. That's just my take.
I don't know how I'd feel about this poll if I was a resident of Britain, France or another European nation with a large population of Muslims. Well, actually I do know how I feel - bummed out. I have read many accounts of the increasing numbers of militant Muslims who are residing in these European nations. These extremist individuals (who I believe are the small, yet very dangerous, minority of Muslims) move from their war-torn, hellish countries to live in European nations (or America), study at Western Universities, utilize public services, etc., and then call for the destruction of that nation. This differs greatly from the thinking of immigrants that have come to the United States and other Western nations over the last couple of centuries who want to assimilate into the culture and make a better life for themselves and their families.
And not blow things up.
Just something to think about.
Jeff
Sunday, May 20, 2007
A Few Sunday Afternoon Observations...
My family is out of town for a few days so I have some free time, which is actually kind of strange. I stuck around town because THE CHECK calls. No question about that. The silence around the house is deafening, so I thought I'd put some random thoughts down on computer:
1. I was running some errands in Minneapolis, so I thought I'd park the car downtown and check out the Twins ballpark site before they start tearing up the asphalt on Monday. I was able to walk right into the site and locate the "HP" spray-painted on the spot where Home Plate eventually will be. The view of downtown was outstanding. I stood on each base (no, I did not run them, but I thought about it) and the pitchers mound. Yes, I am a geek.
Also - no sign yet of Chief Hiawatha's bones!
2. Speaking of stadiums, the Vikings are pitching their idea for a new football stadium to the Legislature in the waning days of this year's session. They know that there is no chance of passing a bill this year, but are hoping to "get a foot in the door" for 2008. Now, those of you that know me (and read #1 above) know that I was a huge advocate of a new baseball park. However, I do not share the same passion for a new Vikings stadium. In fact, I fully believe that my life would actually improve if the Vikings moved to a different city. Beautiful fall Sunday afternoons with no football to watch and enrage me? Sounds great!
Now, the Vikes have paid a firm to develop some fancy prints of the new billion-dollar stadium they want to build in downtown Minneapolis on the current spot the Metrodome stands on. Zygi Wilf has offered to pay for roughly 1/3rd the cost of the new stadium. One minor problem - they have no financial partner for the other 2/3 of the cost. When the Twins went to the Legislature in 2006, Hennepin County was their financial partner meaning they are now "tapped out" after paying for that stadium. The City of Minneapolis is limited to contributing $10 million towards any stadium by a Euphorian law passed in 1997, and Governor Pawlenty and the Legislature have said that they do not want State money going towards a new football stadium. So City, County and State are out. Who does that leave - Uncle Eddy?? The Vikes actually had a partner in Anoka County who was willing to put up hundreds of millions of dollars to build a stadium in Blaine. But, as the Vikings have done to there fans on many Sundays, they strung them along to the bitter end, and then told them "no thanks."
It is time for the Vikings to realize that they should play in a renovated Metrodome. The location is great - right on the Light Rail line. Zygi likes the spot and wants to develop the surrounding area. I believe that the Legislature would be much more willing to provide State money to renovating the Metrodome rather than tearing it down and starting over on the same spot. Sure, it would be nice to have a brand new stadium, but I think renovation of the Metrodome is the only realistic option for obtaining funding. Good luck with that one Zygi.
3. I have just watched the Twins lose to the Milwaukee Brewers 6-5. The Twins took 2 of 3 on the road from the Brew Crew, which is cool, and Boof Bonser and Scott Baker pitched really well. Today, the "hero of April," Ramon Ortiz, pitched. Since April, Ortiz has been terrible. The Twins staked him to a 4-1 lead, which had as much chance of staying around as a cold Summit Beer in my fridge. No chance.
Now that Sydney (Pontoon Boat) Ponson is history, Ortiz is making a bit for the next Pink Slip from the Twins. I hear he's a great guy, as was Ponson. So is Jase, but you don't see him pitching for the Twins. Kevin Slowey (not the greatest name for a pitcher) and Matt Garza are pitching well in AAA. The Twins cannot afford to waste another month before calling one of them up.
In addition, "the hypnotism of Denny Reyes" has finally worn off, and he has remembered that he is not a very good pitcher. As Patrick Ruesse has said, "Reyes had fairy dust sprinkled on him last year." The big left-hander (with the roundest head that I have ever seen) had a fantastic 2006, but has been shelled this year. Last year, he was 5-0 with a 0.89 ERA in 66 appearances. Compare that to his lifetime 27 wins, 32 losses and 4.49 ERA. Simply put, the planets aligned in 2006. Not sure what the Twins can do here, as Reyes is the only lefty in the bullpen.
That's all I have today. You can tell I am bored. Normally I could fix something around the house or something, but I'm not so good at that.
Peace,
Jeff
1. I was running some errands in Minneapolis, so I thought I'd park the car downtown and check out the Twins ballpark site before they start tearing up the asphalt on Monday. I was able to walk right into the site and locate the "HP" spray-painted on the spot where Home Plate eventually will be. The view of downtown was outstanding. I stood on each base (no, I did not run them, but I thought about it) and the pitchers mound. Yes, I am a geek.
Also - no sign yet of Chief Hiawatha's bones!
2. Speaking of stadiums, the Vikings are pitching their idea for a new football stadium to the Legislature in the waning days of this year's session. They know that there is no chance of passing a bill this year, but are hoping to "get a foot in the door" for 2008. Now, those of you that know me (and read #1 above) know that I was a huge advocate of a new baseball park. However, I do not share the same passion for a new Vikings stadium. In fact, I fully believe that my life would actually improve if the Vikings moved to a different city. Beautiful fall Sunday afternoons with no football to watch and enrage me? Sounds great!
Now, the Vikes have paid a firm to develop some fancy prints of the new billion-dollar stadium they want to build in downtown Minneapolis on the current spot the Metrodome stands on. Zygi Wilf has offered to pay for roughly 1/3rd the cost of the new stadium. One minor problem - they have no financial partner for the other 2/3 of the cost. When the Twins went to the Legislature in 2006, Hennepin County was their financial partner meaning they are now "tapped out" after paying for that stadium. The City of Minneapolis is limited to contributing $10 million towards any stadium by a Euphorian law passed in 1997, and Governor Pawlenty and the Legislature have said that they do not want State money going towards a new football stadium. So City, County and State are out. Who does that leave - Uncle Eddy?? The Vikes actually had a partner in Anoka County who was willing to put up hundreds of millions of dollars to build a stadium in Blaine. But, as the Vikings have done to there fans on many Sundays, they strung them along to the bitter end, and then told them "no thanks."
It is time for the Vikings to realize that they should play in a renovated Metrodome. The location is great - right on the Light Rail line. Zygi likes the spot and wants to develop the surrounding area. I believe that the Legislature would be much more willing to provide State money to renovating the Metrodome rather than tearing it down and starting over on the same spot. Sure, it would be nice to have a brand new stadium, but I think renovation of the Metrodome is the only realistic option for obtaining funding. Good luck with that one Zygi.
3. I have just watched the Twins lose to the Milwaukee Brewers 6-5. The Twins took 2 of 3 on the road from the Brew Crew, which is cool, and Boof Bonser and Scott Baker pitched really well. Today, the "hero of April," Ramon Ortiz, pitched. Since April, Ortiz has been terrible. The Twins staked him to a 4-1 lead, which had as much chance of staying around as a cold Summit Beer in my fridge. No chance.
Now that Sydney (Pontoon Boat) Ponson is history, Ortiz is making a bit for the next Pink Slip from the Twins. I hear he's a great guy, as was Ponson. So is Jase, but you don't see him pitching for the Twins. Kevin Slowey (not the greatest name for a pitcher) and Matt Garza are pitching well in AAA. The Twins cannot afford to waste another month before calling one of them up.
In addition, "the hypnotism of Denny Reyes" has finally worn off, and he has remembered that he is not a very good pitcher. As Patrick Ruesse has said, "Reyes had fairy dust sprinkled on him last year." The big left-hander (with the roundest head that I have ever seen) had a fantastic 2006, but has been shelled this year. Last year, he was 5-0 with a 0.89 ERA in 66 appearances. Compare that to his lifetime 27 wins, 32 losses and 4.49 ERA. Simply put, the planets aligned in 2006. Not sure what the Twins can do here, as Reyes is the only lefty in the bullpen.
That's all I have today. You can tell I am bored. Normally I could fix something around the house or something, but I'm not so good at that.
Peace,
Jeff
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Who Is Don Rocanelli?
Who is Don Rocanelli? This is a question that those of us who attended Eau Claire Memorial High School have been asking for decades. It's a question that still begs an answer. Now, over 20 years later, this question has been brought to the forefront once again. I have heard unsubstantiated rumors that Don was spotted fleetingly at Ray's Place in Eau Claire recently. Much like The Sasquatch, you get a quick glimpse and then he disappears into the mist, leaving more questions than answers. Always a man of mystery, Don Rocanelli has been posting some pretty funny comments on this fair blog recently. Most are posted late at night, while the rest of the world sleeps. That is just part of his gig. Here is a link that he posted in Comments recently, in case you missed it:
http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2006/02/seething_midwes.html
That is good stuff. Relating cartoons of Vince Lombardi to cartoons of Mohammad. I would not have thought of that. I think it's humor, but I am not 100% sure. That is just part of - The Mystery of Don Rockanelli.
Peace,
Jeff
http://iowahawk.typepad.com/iowahawk/2006/02/seething_midwes.html
That is good stuff. Relating cartoons of Vince Lombardi to cartoons of Mohammad. I would not have thought of that. I think it's humor, but I am not 100% sure. That is just part of - The Mystery of Don Rockanelli.
Peace,
Jeff
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
A Trip to the Doctor
I had to go to the doctor today. You see, I tweaked my elbow somehow, and it has hurt off and on for the last three weeks. My wife finally got sick of me saying "my elbow really hurts," so she threatened to call and make an appointment for me if I didn't do it first. So I called, and a few hours later I was driving to the Aspen Clinic (my version of hell on earth) at Bandana Square. For those of you that know me, you most certainly realize that I do not enjoy going to the doctor. Why? Here are some reasons:
1. You will be poked.
2. You will be prodded.
3. You may have to take down your pants - and not for anything good.
4. You may have a finger stuck up your butt.
5. Somebody will take your blood-pressure and then give you a look that says "Geez, what's with this guy?"
6. Somebody will ask you if you drink beer and then tell you to quit that.
7. Somebody will tell you to stop eating sugar, salt, fat, trans-fat, and potato chips with peanut butter.
8. You might have to wear a nightgown with no back.
9. "Turn your head and cough." Enough said.
10. They might find something wrong with you.
11. They might NOT find something wrong with you.
12. They WILL make you come back.
Well, I got smart a few months back and asked the appointment gal if I could see a Doctor on a regular basis who is MALE and "somewhat on the mellow side." I don't need some militant-female-vegan-marathon runner telling me to stop drinking beer and eating hamburgers. So, the last few times I have gone to the clinic, I've met with this soft-spoken guy who is a good listener to my rants and irrational beliefs on health. Sure, he put me on Zocor for cholesterol, but he did it nicely. Anyway, today he was booked solid. There was a female doctor available, however. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not saying that female doctors are not qualified. In fact, they are probably MORE qualified than males, but I am just terrified of them. My shortcoming.
I just wanted to get this godforsaken saga over, so I went ahead and booked the appointment. It's my elbow, for God's sakes. No need to drop your drawers for the elbow, right? Once I arrived, all went well with the appointment. The doctor scanned my elbow, and asked me how I thought I might have hurt it. I still cannot recollect how that might have happened. She then asked me if I had been doing anything in particular on an ongoing basis that may have hurt the elbow. My answer was:
"Throwing batting practice for my son's baseball team."
She then asked me about a blister on my hand.
"That is from screw-driving many screws whilst installing some indoor/outdoor carpet on my deck."
She proceeded to give me a look that said - "You are a moron. Why are you wasting my time? No shit your elbow hurts. Stop that." You see, you don't get that look from most male doctors. They give you a look that says - "Yes, you are a moron. I can see, however, how you would want to throw batting practice for your son and screw screws in your deck. That's cool. You may want to put a temporary hold on that stuff, however."Anyway, I had a couple of X-ray's and got put on the 15-day DL as far as pitching is concerned. And, I only use a screw-driver every six months, so we don't have to worry about that. If the pain does not subside in a few weeks, I will have to go back (of course - see #12 above) and then all hell might break loose. I think everything is going to be ok, however, because I am a positive spirit at heart.
Peace,
Jeff
1. You will be poked.
2. You will be prodded.
3. You may have to take down your pants - and not for anything good.
4. You may have a finger stuck up your butt.
5. Somebody will take your blood-pressure and then give you a look that says "Geez, what's with this guy?"
6. Somebody will ask you if you drink beer and then tell you to quit that.
7. Somebody will tell you to stop eating sugar, salt, fat, trans-fat, and potato chips with peanut butter.
8. You might have to wear a nightgown with no back.
9. "Turn your head and cough." Enough said.
10. They might find something wrong with you.
11. They might NOT find something wrong with you.
12. They WILL make you come back.
Well, I got smart a few months back and asked the appointment gal if I could see a Doctor on a regular basis who is MALE and "somewhat on the mellow side." I don't need some militant-female-vegan-marathon runner telling me to stop drinking beer and eating hamburgers. So, the last few times I have gone to the clinic, I've met with this soft-spoken guy who is a good listener to my rants and irrational beliefs on health. Sure, he put me on Zocor for cholesterol, but he did it nicely. Anyway, today he was booked solid. There was a female doctor available, however. Now, don't get me wrong. I am not saying that female doctors are not qualified. In fact, they are probably MORE qualified than males, but I am just terrified of them. My shortcoming.
I just wanted to get this godforsaken saga over, so I went ahead and booked the appointment. It's my elbow, for God's sakes. No need to drop your drawers for the elbow, right? Once I arrived, all went well with the appointment. The doctor scanned my elbow, and asked me how I thought I might have hurt it. I still cannot recollect how that might have happened. She then asked me if I had been doing anything in particular on an ongoing basis that may have hurt the elbow. My answer was:
"Throwing batting practice for my son's baseball team."
She then asked me about a blister on my hand.
"That is from screw-driving many screws whilst installing some indoor/outdoor carpet on my deck."
She proceeded to give me a look that said - "You are a moron. Why are you wasting my time? No shit your elbow hurts. Stop that." You see, you don't get that look from most male doctors. They give you a look that says - "Yes, you are a moron. I can see, however, how you would want to throw batting practice for your son and screw screws in your deck. That's cool. You may want to put a temporary hold on that stuff, however."Anyway, I had a couple of X-ray's and got put on the 15-day DL as far as pitching is concerned. And, I only use a screw-driver every six months, so we don't have to worry about that. If the pain does not subside in a few weeks, I will have to go back (of course - see #12 above) and then all hell might break loose. I think everything is going to be ok, however, because I am a positive spirit at heart.
Peace,
Jeff
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Updates From Wisconsin
I overheard a conversation taking place at THE CHECK today about a guy who was critically injured while being pulled on a couch behind a pick up truck. Through a cow pasture. At 1:30 AM. My first question was:
"Where in Wisconsin did this take place?"
Those of you who have been reading this blog for awhile know that I have written previously about the weird happenings that take place in Wisconsin that are invariably alcohol-related. I do not do this to mock or ridicule my home state in any way. I just can't believe (well, actually I can) the stuff that goes on there sometimes. Sure enough, this tale took place in Ellsworth, Wisconsin. Here's the story:
http://www.kare11.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=253155
Now, Joe Soucheray has a saying that "nothing good happens after 1:00 AM." I subscribe to that theory. The decision for three guys to ride on a couch behind a truck through a cow pasture is not normally made at noon. One guy even had to be airlifted to St. Paul Regions Hospital. He probably thought he was still on the couch. Let's hope he's ok. By the way, here's my favorite line from that story:
"(Sheriff) Hove says so far no charges have been filed. He won't say whether alcohol was involved."
Gee, I wonder. They probably have to get some type of large-scale investigation going to determine that one. You know - CSI: Ellsworth.
So, after I take a good-natured ribbing for that one, I sat down at my desk at THE CHECK and had an e-mail waiting for me from Phil from Massachusetts. He sent me the following link about a festival in Wisconsin that sells deep-fried TESTICLES:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/05/13/ap/strange/main2795793.shtml
Yep - Elderon, Wisconsin. OK - I normally love deep-fried food, which is a big reason I am on Zocor. I absolutely love cheese curds. But why does Wisconsin have to make national news for deep fried TESTICLES? Here's what one Elderon resident had to say:
"Once you get over the mental (aspect) of what you're eating, it's just like eating any other food, and it tastes good," Buster Hoffman said.
Well, not really. I would put testicles in a different category than, say, wings. They probably do taste like chicken, but I've always wondered who the first person was to take testicles and proclaim - "I think I'm going to eat these!" Here is what festival-founder Nancy Fenske asked:
"What else can you do in a small town?" Fenske said.
I don't know - Fish? Golf? Read? Ride a bike? Have an ice cream cone? Go for a walk? And, once again, here is the greatest quote in the whole story:
Butch Joubert, 58, likes the parts sandwiched between bread with tartar sauce. They're not so different from regular meatballs also served at the festival, he said. "After a few beers, you can't really tell the difference," Joubert said.
Well, if that doesn't pretty much sum up everything, I don't know what does.
Peace,
Jeff
"Where in Wisconsin did this take place?"
Those of you who have been reading this blog for awhile know that I have written previously about the weird happenings that take place in Wisconsin that are invariably alcohol-related. I do not do this to mock or ridicule my home state in any way. I just can't believe (well, actually I can) the stuff that goes on there sometimes. Sure enough, this tale took place in Ellsworth, Wisconsin. Here's the story:
http://www.kare11.com/news/news_article.aspx?storyid=253155
Now, Joe Soucheray has a saying that "nothing good happens after 1:00 AM." I subscribe to that theory. The decision for three guys to ride on a couch behind a truck through a cow pasture is not normally made at noon. One guy even had to be airlifted to St. Paul Regions Hospital. He probably thought he was still on the couch. Let's hope he's ok. By the way, here's my favorite line from that story:
"(Sheriff) Hove says so far no charges have been filed. He won't say whether alcohol was involved."
Gee, I wonder. They probably have to get some type of large-scale investigation going to determine that one. You know - CSI: Ellsworth.
So, after I take a good-natured ribbing for that one, I sat down at my desk at THE CHECK and had an e-mail waiting for me from Phil from Massachusetts. He sent me the following link about a festival in Wisconsin that sells deep-fried TESTICLES:
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/05/13/ap/strange/main2795793.shtml
Yep - Elderon, Wisconsin. OK - I normally love deep-fried food, which is a big reason I am on Zocor. I absolutely love cheese curds. But why does Wisconsin have to make national news for deep fried TESTICLES? Here's what one Elderon resident had to say:
"Once you get over the mental (aspect) of what you're eating, it's just like eating any other food, and it tastes good," Buster Hoffman said.
Well, not really. I would put testicles in a different category than, say, wings. They probably do taste like chicken, but I've always wondered who the first person was to take testicles and proclaim - "I think I'm going to eat these!" Here is what festival-founder Nancy Fenske asked:
"What else can you do in a small town?" Fenske said.
I don't know - Fish? Golf? Read? Ride a bike? Have an ice cream cone? Go for a walk? And, once again, here is the greatest quote in the whole story:
Butch Joubert, 58, likes the parts sandwiched between bread with tartar sauce. They're not so different from regular meatballs also served at the festival, he said. "After a few beers, you can't really tell the difference," Joubert said.
Well, if that doesn't pretty much sum up everything, I don't know what does.
Peace,
Jeff
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