Super Bowl Weekend - The List Of Fifteen

Super Bowl forty-three will take place this Sunday, as the juggernaut Arizona Cardinals take on the heavily-favored Pittsburgh Steelers. I have nothing against the Cardinals. Kurt Warner is a good guy and Larry Fitzgerald is fun to watch. But if the very mediocre Cardinals, a team that has moved from Chicago to St. Louis to Arizona over the past few decades, wins the Super Bowl before the Minnesota Vikings, I think I'm done with football. I realize this make me appear to be quite bitter. That is because, when it comes to football, I am quite bitter. Let's break this down:

Did you know there were only six NFL teams to never make it to the Super Bowl? They are the Detroit Lions (sorry dools), Cleveland Browns, Houston Texans, Jacksonville Jaguars, New Orleans Saints and (before now) the Arizona Cardinals. With the Cardinals making this year's Super Bowl, that leaves five teams to never make the big game. Two of these teams, Houston and Jacksonville, are essentially expansion teams and have not been in existence for too long. And the Cleveland Browns technically disbanded as a franchise for a few years as the team moved to Baltimore (and WON a Super Bowl). The Browns history, colors and "lore," however, stayed in Cleveland until they were awarded another expansion franchise. That leaves the true futility to Detroit and New Orleans.

The other side of futility, however, are the teams that have been to the Super Bowl but never WON. There are fifteen. Starting with the aforementioned six teams to never make the game, we can add the following nine teams who have been there, but never won: the Buffalo Bills, Cincinnati Bengals, Tennessee Titans, San Diego Chargers, Philadelphia Eagles, Minnesota Vikings, Atlanta Falcons, Carolina Panthers and Seattle Seahawks. Which of these teams has had the longest draught since their last Super Bowl appearance?

The Minnesota Vikings - 1977 (1976 season).

This is why I am always a little vaklempt around Super Bowl Sunday. These lists continue to whittle down as years go by, but the Minnesota Vikings certainly retain their spot on an annual basis. Hey - if the dominant 15-1 Vikings of the 1998 season couldn't get to and win the Super Bowl, it may never happen. Now, if a mediocre bunch like the Arizona Cardinals (who, by the way, the Vikings beat 35-14 in December) wins on Sunday, there is one more team off of that list that nobody wants to be a part of. After all, misery loves company, and the miserable company the Vikings keep is dwindling.

So, I am sure there will be plenty of people who will be cheering for the feel-good Cardinals. But I, in my football misery, will be cheering for the Steelers, hoping that Arizona stays on that miserable List Of Fifteen. Petty and bitter, I know.

I will save my healthy "sports feel good thoughts" for baseball. After all, the Minnesota Twins are on "The Good List" of teams that have actually WON a championship.

Peace.

Jeff

OK. I'm Back.

I have returned from my week-long excursion to Massachusetts for THE CHECK. (Side note to Phil: sorry I didn't look you up - they kept us pretty busy out there). I must say that there are some great people out in our CHECK plant in Townsend, MA. We had a good time laughing at each others accent (Them - "paaaak the caaaa." Me - Min-ne-sooooooo-ta"). One of the managers in Townsend actually had me call her Massachusetts-born son and "just talk" because he loves Midwestern accents so much, probably after viewing Fargo. Overall, the trip was great, but I am glad I don't have to travel for work very often, especially when you see this image three days before you leave:

That image was on my mind a little as the plane was being de-iced before takeoff on Monday morning. I was even flying US Airways. But I digress.

One last thing about Massachusetts - Dunkin' Doughnuts is the Epicenter of the Universe. I am not kidding. Dunkin' Doughnuts is to Massachusetts what Target is to the Twin Cities. One can be found every half-block. I think the coffee sold there is as important to the people as the doughnuts themselves. (Phil - maybe you can clue me in on the reason for this phenomenon.) The Twin Cities had a few Dunkin' Doughnuts years back, but they all went out of business. Apparently, however, the franchise will make it's triumphant return to the area very soon. If one is built near THE CHECK, I could reach 300 pounds in the future.

Hey - speaking of coffee - did you see this article about a study of heavy coffee drinkers and possible hallucinating? According to the study, those individuals who drink seven or more cups of coffee a day are more prone to "hallucinating and hearing voices." I have a couple of questions:

1. What constitutes "a cup" of coffee? Is it 12 ounces? So, a Caribou or Starbucks "large" coffee may constitute "3" cups?? So, if a person has a couple of these, are they dangerously close to the "hearing voices level."

2. Does caffeine in other food and drink count? How about pop and chocolate?? Will this put a person over the edge?

Let's just say, I know plenty of people who have multiple large coffees a day, along with chocolate, pop, etc. This actually explains A LOT.

That's all for now. I have some thoughts on The World of Sports, particularly the spending patterns of the four professional Minnesota sports teams, that I will share later this week.

Peace,

Jeff

Bigfoot Autobiography - Outstanding

I was at my sister's house last night for our traditional "late Thompson Christmas" and received the gift of literature from her. It was a book that, surprisingly, I had never heard of entitled "In Me Own Words - The Autobiography of Bigfoot." It is written and illustrated by Graham Roumieu, whose work has appeared in the New York Times. This book, in it's entirety, can be read in about 20 minutes.

And let me say, it is a pretty damn funny 20 minutes.

I was laughing so hard at parts of this book that I was tearing up. Now, I am a Sasquatch aficionado (no question), so I am apt to love any piece of work involving The Beast. I think even the Sasquatch novices out there will find it hilarious. The book is written in first-person by the legendary creature, complete with illustrations that were also created by him. He explains to the reader, among other things, why he lives in the woods, why he hates Chewbacca, details on his short-lived political career, his "lost phase" in Vegas with Koko the gorilla and explores the meaning of his dreams.

Here is an excerpt from the book, in which Bigfoot openly addresses his many stalkers (I hope he is not talking about me):

"If you going to chase, please NO spray with holy water. OK listen. I not know where all you morons come from but holy water no hurt Bigfoot. Garlic and Crucifix also no. Fire, pitchfork, silver bullet OK. Cryptonite do nothing. It not even real. Please stop sending letters asking "what you vulnerability? What Bigfoot?" Like I tell.

What next me bank account number? Why not you invest time in moving out of parent basement? Maybe have sex or something. Yes I be talking about you Steve. YOUUUUU! Stalking a crime Steve."

Fascinating. I wouldn't say this book is necessarily for young kids, as there is insight provided into Bigfoot's violent tendencies like eating people (not true!) and an episode with his friend Denis the squirrel that goes horribly wrong.

Overall, a very funny, quick read. I heavily recommend the book.

Peace.

Jeff

It's Frickin' Freezing.

Tonight, in Minneapolis-St. Paul, will be the coldest night in four years. The temperature may dip to -25, with wind chills between -40 and -50.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say the good Swedes and Norwegians and Germans that settled this land back in THE DAY showed up around June 10th and set up camp. Beautiful summers and fall ya know. Everything was good until around mid-November. Then, after Christmas, January and February hit and they thought "we have found hell."

But, we stay for the Vikes.

Stay warm.

Jeff

Food For Thought...

Stuff that I have been thinking about:

1. Tony Dungy Retires. Tony Dungy, head coach of the Indianapolis Colts, has retired. While Dungy has been an outstanding coach, he is an even better human being. He is the picture of dignity, class and loyalty. He exhibited these honorable traits through good (winning the Super Bowl) and bad (the suicide death of his son). There is no doubt that he was move on to a higher calling, possibly in the ministry or working with youth.

Dungy also represents another missed opportunity by the Minnesota Vikings. Dungy was the Defensive Coordinator under Denny Green. The Vikings kept Green at the helm while Dungy was allowed to leave the team to coach Tampa. The same has happened with Mike Tomlin and will probably happen with Leslie Frazier. The Vikings let some wonderful coordinators pass through the franchise, and hold on to some questionable head coaches.

2. The Ice Age Comith. The Star Tribune had an article today reporting that Russian scientists are predicting that the Earth is on the verge of another ice age. Here is more from an Pravda article:

Earth is "on the brink of entering another Ice Age" that will last for the next 100,000 years, reports the Russian Pravda Online newspaper, attempting to counter the widespread view that human activity is contributing to an unwanted and dangerous warming of the planet.

Based on a "large and compelling body of evidence from within the field of climate science," Pravda reports this week, "many sources of data which provide our knowledge base of long-term climate change" indicate that the current 12,000-year-long warming trend is coming to an end.

Dear God. So, what's it gonna be? Global warming and the melting of the polar ice caps or a new ice age and ice caps everywhere? I still have cases of that "anti-killer bee" spray in my basement for Cliff's sake. Wake me up when they decide.

3. Possible T-Jack Replacements. The Vikings cannot go into the 2009 season with Tavarius Jackson as thier starting quarterback. Not unless they don't mind a half-empty stadium. Rumors have been floating around about possible replacements such as Jeff Garcia, Sage Rosenfels, and the Patriots Matt Cassel, who would come at a huge price. Another intriguing possibility with some merit is Matt Hasselbeck of the Seattle Seahawks. The Seahawks are in rebuilding mode, and might part ways with Hasselbeck for a 2nd or 3rd round pick.

Here's my question: Will the Seahawks be willing to work with the Vikings after the whole "Steve Hutchinson poison-pill fiasco?" Remember that? It really pissed off the Seahawks, and may come back to haunt the Vikings in their possible quest for Hasselbeck.

What is Tommy Kramer up to these days?

4. The resurgence of Minnesota basketball. Don't look now, but the Minnesota Gophers have the 18th-ranked team in the nation and..............(drumroll).......................the Minnesota Timberwolves have won 5 games in a row and 7 of 10!!!!! Now, I can understand the Gophers rise because they are coached by Tubby Smith. The Timberwolves success, however, is parallel-universe stuff. They are coached by the demoted Kevin McHale, who is certainly a better coach than GM. If they keep playing like this, I may even buy a ticket to one of those free beer nights (yes, they have those)!

5. The Death of Common Sense. One thing that drives me crazy is the so-called "death of common sense." For instance, the story of the woman who sued McDonalds after she was burned by spilling hot coffee on herself drives me crazy. Because of stuff like this we are forced, as a society, to put warning labels on everything to guard against possible litigation from morons. Don't eat the fishing lure - it can be harmful!! Because there are people who are just itching to sue for any reason, steps must be taken to remove any possible risk from public places such as playgrounds. George Will wrote an article that got me going on this topic Sunday morning. Here is the paragraph that sums it up:

Someone hurt while running at recess might sue the school district for inadequate supervision of the runner, as Broward County knows: It settled 189 playground lawsuits in five years. In Indiana, a boy did what boys do: He went down a slide headfirst -- and broke his femur. The school district was sued for inadequate supervision. Because of fears of such liabilities, playgrounds all over America have been stripped of the equipment that made them fun.

So now in front of televisions and computer terminals sit millions of obese children, casualties of what attorney and author Philip Howard calls "a bubble wrap approach to child rearing" produced by the "cult of safety." Long Beach removed the warning signs because it is safer to say nothing: Reckless swimmers injured by the tides might sue, claiming that the signs were not sufficiently large or shrill or numerous, or something.

That is sad, but true. Geez, Back in THE DAY we used to ghost ride our banana-seat bikes into the metal monkey bars at Manz School and grab on while the bike went flying. If I would have got hurt, would my parents have sued the school? No - they would have said "that was really stupid."

6. One last Viking thing. Bill Simmons, the very funny ESPN.com columnist, often includes tidbits about his "life-long Viking fan friend" Geoff (it's not me - I would never go by that spelling). We all know what impact that being a life-long Viking fan kind bring to one's psyche. Here is Bill's latest report of Geoff's reactions during the Vikes playoff loss to Philadelphia:

From my buddy Geoff, a lifelong Vikings fan whose texts became increasingly angry as the game slipped away in the second half, concluding with these three beauties:

"Peterson is the new Barry Sanders. He's screwed."

"The prevent defense against Tarvaris is a base 4-3."

"I'm so bummed out. I'm so filled with hate. They will not do better next year."

That is funny stuff. Not "ha-ha funny" though.

That's all for now.

Jeff

Napolean Dynamite - A Great Scene

I absolutely love this movie. This scene was one of the highlights. I often use the line "I don't understand one word you just said" on my kids when they ask me for something. For some reason, they don't always see the humor in it.

Check out the line from the old sidekick chicken farmer about midway through the scene - It makes me laugh so hard it draws tears.

Beautiful.

Jeff

Carl Pohlad - 1915-2009

Twins owner Carl Pohlad passed away today at age 93. Mr. Pohlad was a controversial figure with the public, to say the least. Obviously, I didn't know the man personally. Like all of us, he certainly had his faults and attributes. While I have heard that he was a ruthless businessman, I have also heard that was was incredibly charitable. But I can only comment on Carl Pohlad as the owner of the Twins baseball organization.

As far as the "negatives," Pohlad was known for being cheap when it came to spending money to lure free agents to the Twins. He as known for nearly selling the Twins to Don Beaver who promised to move the team to North Carolina. And, possibly worst of all, he offered the team up for contraction in 2001 after five failed attempts at a new stadium with the Minnesota legislature. That was (is) personally the hardest for me to swallow.

I, however, have far more positive memories that I associate with Carl Pohlad than negative. Of the four professional sports teams that call the Twin Cities home, I have more fondness for the Twins organization than the others. The Twins, under Pohlad, have always been run as a class organization from the top down. I vividly remember Pohlad, an unknown local banker, swooping in to buy the Twins from Calvin Griffith in 1984 which put to rest rumors that they were moving to Tampa. The Twins, under Pohlad's ownership, provided the Twin Cities with our only World Championships in the modern sports era when they won the World Series in 1987 and 1991. Personally, I will never forget the memories I have of those two World Series victories. And while he was generally a skinflint when it came to bringing in free agents, Pohlad certainly ponied up some serious cash to keep the Twins homegrown talent such as Kirby Puckett, Kent Hrbek, Brad Radke and Justin Morneau on the roster. For that, I thank him.

Carl Pohlad and the Twins finally got their outdoor stadium approved in 2006 after fighting the incredibly stubborn Minnesota legislature for a decade. Unfortunately for Carl, he didn't live long enough to see the opening game that will take place at Target Field in 2010. His sons will now take control of the team. The fact that he kept the team here, however, long enough to see a new stadium bill passed, means the Twins will remain in Minnesota for decades to come. I truly believe some other owners would have sold to the highest out-of-town bidder and let the chips fall where they may. For NOT doing that, I thank him.

R.I.P Carl Pohlad.

Peace.

Jeff