Halloween - And Speaking of Supernatural...

A couple of notes....

1. Tomorrow is Halloween. And speaking of supernatural, on September 23rd, 2007, I had The Vision. The Vision was of The Green Bay Packers winning the Super Bowl. I wrote this. Does anybody still doubt this Vision? For those of you who missed it, I had a Vision of the Packers winning the NFC North. They are now 6 and 1. Who is going to pass them - Detroit? They will have home field in the playoffs. Think about the rest of the teams in the NFC and name one who will beat the Packers in Green Bay in the playoffs. The Cowboys?? That is even a stranger concept than The Vision. The Packers will represent the National Football Conference in the Super Bowl.

Meanwhile, the New England Patriots will continue to plow their way through the AFC, and reach the AFC Championship against Indianapolis. They will beat Indy, but Tom Brady will sustain a lower-body injury late in the game. The Vision was not clear if this was a knee or ankle injury. They will beat Indy, however, and represent the American Football Conference.

Brettfavre (one word - see below) and the Packers will beat New England and their second-string quarterback in The Super Bowl.

Does anybody doubt this? Folks, I know it is not logical. It's supernatural.

2. By the way, I came to the conclusion after watching part of the Packers game last night that "Brett Favre" has now become one word: brettfavre. Brettfavre. BRETTFAVRE. It's a noun, verb and adjective all in one.

3. Well, much like the sun sets in the west, Marion Gaborik injures his groin in late October. He is listed as "day to day," which means he will play again around Valentines Day. People, let's not mince words here. Marion Gaborik has a chronic groin problem. Pavol Demitra is also out with a groin injury. Niklas Bakstrom is out with - yes - a groin injury. What the hell is going on?? The Wild have now lost four in a row. Without Gaborik and Demitra on the ice, a one-goal deficit for the Wild is insurmountable. Oh well, it's a long season.

That's all I've got. Have a happy and safe Halloween.

Jeff

Twins Ballpark Model

Check out this model of the new Twins ballpark, courtesy of The Greet Machine. Shane reports that this rendition might be slightly outdated, but you get the picture. It is reported that there will be an updated model available at the Hennepin County Government Center on Tuesday.

Good stuff.

Jeff

What Ever Happened to Halloween?

What has happened to Halloween? When I was a kid, Halloween was my favorite holiday - hands down. I couldn't wait to dress up like Batman or Dracula (same cape), and run the streets of Eau Claire after dark, getting free candy from every house in sight. I also enjoyed the "Halloween build-up." People decorating their houses, Halloween parties and friend's houses, and making Halloween decorations at school. That's right - school. Back in The Day, kids still celebrated Halloween at school. We made decorations during the month of October, which were displayed at school, and got to dress up on Halloween day. Not anymore, baby. Halloween now seems to be going in one of two directions. They are:

Direction A: Somebody realized that Halloween was actually based on some druid festival and has religious connotations and was offended. Others put two and two together (in their mind) and figured out that Halloween was "The Day of The Dead" or "The Devil's Day." Halloween celebrations were eventually cancelled in the schools because of the risk of offending someone. Halloween is now being avoided all together or renamed. In my oldest son's school, they celebrate "Harvest Festival." I know that when I was a kid, I was not excited about dressing up like Dracula and getting mounds of free candy, I was most excited about "The Harvest." By the way, virtually all holidays have been cancelled at my oldest son's school, including Valentines Day. This is now called "Friendship Day" because of the ever-controversial history of St. Valentine. Granted, some schools may be trying to hold on to the tradition, but are forcing kids to dress up in non-controversial costumes like kitty's or pumpkins. No more dressing up like the Sasquatch and scaring half the school. This is not good.

Direction B: Halloween "stores" are going a little overboard. Now, as I mentioned, I used to enjoy dressing up like Dracula. I was Dracula like 7 times. I also remember being a werewolf. These are scary creatures. I did not feel the need, however, to carry a severed-head along with my candy bag. I recently took The Kids to one of those temporary Halloween stores to find some costumes. My daughter wants to be a ballerina, my middle son is going to be a 1920's gangster, and my oldest wants to be Dick Enrico ("why buy new when slightly used will do"). In order to get to the accessories, we had to pass by a mannequin of a zombie-woman holding a bloody butcher knife and a severed head. Then, we had to pass by a display of a bound-and-gagged man being eaten by rats. Nice. My daughter loved that one. Then, I noticed a doll of that girl from The Exorcist (the most frightening movie of all-time). I'm not even going to talk about that. Finally, before locating the ballerina accessories, we gazed upon a pirate-skeleton holding a knife and (you guessed it) a severed head. What the hell is going on?? Can't somebody just be a ghost or a skeleton without having a bloody severed head? By the way, the employees at the Halloween store were scarier than any of the merchandise.

I guess I will file this under the "getting older" category. Once again, I find myself pining for "The Good Old Days" of Halloween when a kid could just put on a simple costume and have some fun. Once again, today we have the extremes. Either cancel the Holiday or carry severed heads. I'm probably over-reacting. Wouldn't be the first time.

What do you think? Happy Halloween.

Jeff

Boston Sports - "Life Was Simpler When We Were Idiots"

Written with apologies to Phil from Massachusetts:

"Life was simpler when we were idiots." That is the first line in a Boston Globe story by Brian McGrory about the state of Boston sports. You see, nearly every team in the city of Boston is enjoying an unprecedented run of success. The Patriots have won three Super Bowls recently and are killing everyone they face. The Celtics just picked up Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen to play with Paul Pierce, and the World Champion Red Sox are about to embark on their second consecutive World Series after decades of futility (whoops -that last statement was an error. Tiger fan Dools points out the Tigers represented the AL last year. Sorry Dools!). And I believe Boston College is the second-ranked college football team in the country. Only Manny Fernandez's inability to block pucks is keeping the Bruins from seemingly challenging for the Stanley Cup. I've got to admit that I cannot fathom this run of success.

Why? Well, I'm a fan of the Vikings, Twins, Wolves, Wild (& North Stars - who relocated) and Gophers. As far as championships are concerned, following those teams has earned me two Twins baseball World Series Championships and two Gophers NCAA Hockey championships. It has also earned me despair, anger, disappointment, bewilderment, & annoyance on a continual basis. I have learned not only to accept, but expect, these emotions when following these teams.

What New Englanders are dealing with now is the acceptance (and expectation) of positivity, overcoming obstacles, pleasant surprises, overachieving, & domination. Oh, and championships. Now, I know it wasn't always like this. The Patriots were either horrible, or losing Super Bowls. The Red Sox were dealing with the Curse of the Bambino and hadn't won a World Series in nearly a century. They were lovable losers. People from around the country identified with them and even rooted for them. They were the "Yin" to the evil Yankees "Yang."

Not any more. These teams are now expected to win. They're Big-Market teams with immense payrolls. Now, Red Sox fans calling the Yankees evil is a little like Paris Hilton calling Nicole Ritchie a slut (sorry - I've used that before). Here's some more from Brian McGrory in the Boston Globe:

As it was, we claimed all the angst for ourselves, though the good people of Chicago seemed to have their own supply. Red Sox fans could always blame our misfortunes on New York's payroll, Boston's mismanagement, free agents' unwillingness to come here. It gave us our status as perennial underdogs, the lovable spectacle. We wore that suit, frayed as it sometimes seemed, very comfortably.

Without it, what have we become?

And here's the answer we know but dread: Another free-spending, big market team that buys its way into the postseason with every expectation that it will win.

McGrory points out that many "young" Bostonians don't even know what it is like for their teams to lose:

In the end, until that fabled October, we usually lost, but that was OK. In defeat, we had identity. We got to be the luckless loser. A team, its city, and indeed, an entire national following, thrived on it.

Tom Menino was sitting in his City Hall office yesterday saying what needed to be said. "This is different. In 2004, we never had a taste." He paused, then added, "When you think about Boston, 1 in 3 Bostonians is 20 to 34 years old. You and I know what it's like to lose. They don't."

Which means they don't know about our angst. It was our blanket, our source of comfort, our common bond. If angst were a natural resource, we could have had factories packaging it up 24 hours a day and shipping it to every part of the world.

In other words, along with the "well wishes" of much of the nation, these teams have lost a little bit of their soul. You certainly can't claim there is a generation of Minnesotans who is unfamiliar with losing. There are generations who are familiar with certain KINDS of losing, for sure. You know, losing championships vs. losing ALL of your games. Granted, I've often said that I would give a little bit of MY soul to have my aforementioned favorite teams win a few more championships. Even one championship (Hello? Vikings??). Part of the reason that this "Boston - Home of Champions" stuff is hard to take is jealously. All I am saying is that The Mystique is gone. Phil Taylor sums it up quite nicely on SI.com when he writes:

Maybe it says more about us than it does about you, Bostonians, but you were far more likable when you were long-suffering. Winning all the time might be fun, but it's not nearly as charming. We felt for you when you would face another bitter winter after the Sox had found one more agonizing way to lose to the Yankees. We enjoyed those long, melancholy odes to despair that you would produce as the Celtics floundered in the post-Larry Bird years. Writers such as Stephen King and Doris Kearns Goodwin turned Boston's mystique of losing into something grand, something literary.

Now you're winners, but you've lost something, too. Boston and its teams will never be quite as embraceable, and the local fans will never be able to wallow in their misery, which, deep down, we suspect many of them actually enjoyed. Congratulations on being the capital of the sports world, Boston. Now go douse each other in champagne again, or whatever it is you winners like to do. The rest of us will go on suffering without you.

Amen.

Jeff

Creed Bratton - Pure Gold

The older I get, the less television I watch. I basically watch the news, which tends to rile me up, and sports, which tend to enrage me. But for a little relaxation and brevity, I watch NBC's The Office. I have heard people refer to The Office as a "comedy," but have always looked at it as a "documentary" on work. It's dead-on factual.

Anyway, I have been telling people for weeks that my favorite "minor" character on the show is Creed Bratton, Dunder Mifflin's off-beat quality assurance representative. Creed is a product of the 1960's, you see, but not in a "peace and love" sort of way. More in a drugs and drugs sort of way. The story goes that Creed traveled the world playing in a rock and roll band, The Grass Roots, and toiled with a large number of pharmaceuticals along the way. Now, forty years later, he's wearing a suit every day and working at Dunder Mifflin. His brain, however, does not quite think the same as the other office staff, largely because of his past. This is why I love him.

So, you can imagine my delight when I noticed that Creed has a blog on The Office web site called "Creed Thoughts." I like the name. Here is the link:

http://blog.nbc.com/CreedThoughts/

Folks, this is pure gold. Here is a sampling of the kind of insight you are going to get from "Creed Thoughts:"

--"There’s been a lot of bad mojo going on at work lately because of computers. Some kid’s been coming around saying how he wants to replace everyone with robots and calculators and little pieces of fruit. The Bossman listens to him, too, even though the kid’s real scrawny and has a horse face. Don’t get me wrong, I like computers as much as the next Joe, but when they start messing with me, I’m not just going to sit there and take it. I’ve seen the movies. If you want to fight back against a machine, you’ve got to chuck it in acid."

--"It drives me crazy when buffets only offer one type of Jell-O. Seriously, the Jell-O thing drives me crazy. It costs, what, a dollar to make a whole tray? Loosen up the purse strings and throw some lemon and orange in with that cherry. Also, stop suspending fruit in there. If you want to mix something in, try a little meat sauce – it’s be delicious and filling.

I had an idea the other day and if anyone steals it, I’ll hunt them down. Here’s the idea: buffets should start selling different size plates. You pay three bucks for the small, five bucks for the medium, and ten bucks for the large. I’m a real good stacker so I’d just have to pay for the little one and go to town. Fat people would probably shell out for the tenners so they wouldn’t have to get up so many times. I’m telling you, this is pure genius. I’ve been calling around to different buffet companies and one of them is going to make me a rich man, believe me. Honestly, if you steal this idea I will dismantle you."

--This has been some crazy week. On Saturday, I went over to the mini-mart to pick up a bunch of breakfast burritos and some rolling papers. Couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw all the stuff they sell there now. Disposable cameras, fancy lighters, portable phones. You name it, they had it. I thought I had jumped into the future or something, which was weird because I usually think I’m back in the past. As a joke, I asked the skinny dude behind the counter how much he wanted for the portable phone, thinking he’d say two, three hundred bucks. When he said twenty bucks, I just about dropped a bomb in my skivvies. I bought one immediately. Best purchase I ever made in my life because now I don’t have to stand guard outside my phone booth at the bus station waiting for calls. If someone needs to find me, they can just call my portable and, if I feel like it, I’ll pick up. Technology, man. It blows my mind.

--Man do I miss the days of fondue. I don’t know who decided that fondue wasn’t hip anymore, but I want to take that guy behind a dumpster and teach him a lesson with a fondue pot. If I ever go the chance, I’d take a bath in a giant fondue pot. No lie.

--Most people have a thing against bugs, but not me. I love the little guys. The way I see it, there’s more of them than there are of us, so you have to respect them just in case. If they ever got their stuff together, they could really do some serious damage. I’m talking city destruction, livestock relocation, and political domination here.

In the late 70’s I tried to get into Flea Circusing. It’s not nearly as easy as it sounds. I bought a group of fleas from my pal Gerry and he told me they all had previous circus experience, but it was a total rip-off. They couldn’t do any tricks at all. At least not that I could see. Maybe they were just camera shy. Whatever it was, they pretty much just sat there, so I dumped them in the creek behind my hostel.

People have to stop saying “that bugs me.” It’s racist.

--The other day, I overheard some dudes at work – the fatso and the fruit – and they were talking about some internet video of water buffaloes fighting lions. I don’t know about you, but that’s the kind of thing I can build a whole night around. I stopped at the supermarket on the way home and picked up some things to get me in the mood: Buffalo jerky, buffalo wings, Frosted Flakes, some cupcakes, and a bottle of white wine. (Side note: I couldn’t find any lion-related items at the store, so I settled for the Flakes because of the Tiger. It was the best I could do.) When I got home, I was really jazzed for a good old-fashioned jungle fight. I turned on my computer and boom – nothing happened. Just a weird clucking noise and a black screen, so I did what anybody would do. I punched my computer and then I called tech support.

--Here’s the thing about handcuffs: there’s only one key for all of them. It’s not like the Tampa cops have their own special key and the Saskatchewan Mounties have a different one. They’re all the same. So the one true goal in any criminal’s life is to get a copy of the handcuff key. I’ve got thirty. If you want to buy one, you know where to find me.

Beautiful. Check out the blog - it's outstanding.

Jeff

Gopher Football: Rock Bottom

It's a good thing that I don't consider myself much of a fan of Minnesota Golden Gopher football. If there is a group of fans that has every right to be suicidal, it would be fans of the Gopher football team (all five of them). Today, Minnesota lost to something called the North Dakota State Bisons at home - 27 to 21. You can see from my previous post that I predicted Nodak to win 38-31. I thought there would be some more scoring. Nonetheless, I was correct.

Folks, Rock Bottom has been hit. I don't care if the Gophers lose every game the rest of this year 110-0, this game marks Rock Bottom. North Dakota State. I wonder how that patch of grass from The Rose Bowl is looking in Tim Brewster's office?

As I have said in a previous post, there are only two possible destinations for Head Coach Tim Brewster. Here they are:

1. The Coach Who Returned The Gopher Football Team To Glory (TCWRTGFTTG).

or

2. The Single Biggest Coaching Buffoon In Minnesota Sports History (TSBCBIMSH). By the way, Jim Wacker and Denny Green share this honor right now. But it is in serious jeopardy.

You see, when I guy comes in a starts talking about taking "Gopher Nation" to the Rose Bowl "sooner than later," the bar is set. No middle ground. Now, I'm going to back off because I understand Mr. Brewster is playing with Glen Mason's team. They have to be shell-shocked for sure, after some astonishing, almost mathematically impossible losses over the past few years. I will wait a little while longer to declare Tim Brewster TSBCBIMSH. However, the word on the street is that Tim Brewster is an excellent recruiter. If you were a top High School football player, would you want to play for this team? If you were the parent of a top High School football player, would you want your son to play for this team?

Right now I don't think the Gophers could beat The University of Leinenkugels (UW-Eau Claire). In all honesty, Eden Prairie High School would give them a great game. In fact, my prediction is that Eden Prairie would win, 24-23.

Peace,

Jeff

Gophers (Big Ten) vs. North Dakota (Div. 1-AA)

I'd almost be willing to guarantee this one:

North Dakota State Bison: 38

Minnesota Golden Gophers: 31

We'll see.

Jeff