I haven't had too much time for blogging lately. I've been rebuilding our deck. Yes, you read that correctly. Me, the least-handy individual this side of Jupiter. You see, my handsome and witty Canadian brother-in-law offered to come to town from Appleton, WI to help me. Now, saying HE helped ME rebuild my deck is like saying John, Paul and George helped Ringo Starr form a great rock band.
Basically, here is what my brother-in-law handled:
All measuring of the deck.
Picking out all wood, tools and material at Menards.
Helped load all of above into vehicle.
Helped unload all of above at home.
Helped with removal of all old decking.
All measuring and cutting of new wood to ensure a correct pattern on deck.
Much of the drilling of wood to deck after measuring and cutting.
Rebuilding of wobbly deck stairs, beginning to end.
Rebuilding the end of deck, beginning to end, that was totally screwed up by previous owner.
Here is what I did:
Made sure to have beer on hand (imperative).
Drove to Menards with brother in law.
Sat there and pretended to know what he was looking for while he picked out materials.
Bought some Little Debbies and pop along the way (you save big money at Menards).
Helped load and unload materials from truck (ticket to the gun show - you know what I'm sayin'.)
Continually got beer while brother in law did things listed above. Tried to look smart while he was measuring stuff.
Helped drill wood to deck (I actually got pretty good at this)!
Ate Little Debbies. Got VERY good at this.
Took old wood to pay dump, threw it in big dumpster while brother in law rebuilt stairs, end of deck, etc.
Helped sand deck once I figured out how to turn sander on.
We finished in about two and a half days, and I have to say it looks pretty damn good. We decided on cedar, which looks and smells great and will last a lot longer. This deck is now so secure I could have disco parties up there. Maybe I will.
I'd like to thank my brother in law for all of his hard work. I literally could not have done it without him. And, I learned a lot about deck construction along the way. In fact, it's already got me thinking about what my next project might be. I'm going to wait a while, however, because I'm pretty sore right now. I used muscles that I haven't used since never.
Whatever the next project is, I'm going to make sure to have plenty of Little Debbies on hand.
Peace,
Jeff
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13 comments:
You should post a picture, Bob Vila!
Don't make me blush Jeff - you are handier than you give yourself credit, and at no expense to your handsomeness I might add. When the deck falls down like some 3rd story, Chicago projects flop house porch with too many BBQ'n and disco lovin fatties getting the night moves on, everyone will now know where to come with the lawsuits. Make sure you spell my name right - D-A-N P-E-D-E-R-S-O-N
Anonymous - There is no question that I already have legal papers drawn up waiting for a signature in case this happens.
Dan (aka Tito Jackson) is in for a world of hurt if the deck collapses during a disco party.
I would rate this post as about equal to the "Sarah Palin talks whils some guy slaughters a turkey" blog post.
Dave - is that a good thing or a bad thing?
I promise you that I am worse than you when it comes to handyman skills. When I lived in edina, I had a big ass deck that my handyman and a couple of his helpers stained one summer in 100 degree heat. what a thankless job. those fellas worked harder during that time period than I think I have worked my whole life.
tony - there should be some kind of contest to see who is less handy amongst guys. Most guys might be embarrassed to partake in such a contest, but I'd give it a try.
Actually, that "contest" for me was called 7th grade industrial arts at Central. I got a D.
Jeff
7th grade Industrial arts class...was that Howard Waak as instructor?
I personally have bad memories...Ken Sweeney trying to teach me how to use a band saw - ugly. All digits remain though...miraculously.
By the way, don't sell yourself short on the magnitude of the impact you had on the project, after all you are very accomplished at eating candy and drinking beers.
Job well done.
here is why I have you beat. I got D's in industrial arts pretty much all the time. The one time I did not, I ripped off Bob Smiths tackhammer, and turned in in as my own. The next quarter we had to make a little metal tacklebox, I ripped his off AGAIN, and pulled off another C. remember making those ducks with the metal wings? how about those candle holders? christ, the amount of angst I had going into that class was off the charts. it was the one time where all the burnouts held court over the rest of us. Iam surprised we were not held for ransome and tortured, while mr wack, mr torgerson(remember the famous "torgy twist"?) and mr howard watched and laughed, and burned their cigs into our back
Jase - yes, that was Howard Waak. I couldn't remember his name or I would have added it to my comment. I think I blocked it from my memory psychological reasons.The subject of Howard Waak could be a blog post in itself.
The. Man. Was. Crazy.
Talk about anger management. You mix that guy and a bunch of incompetant, mouthy 7th graders with some serious industrial arts equipment and it's a wonder we all made it out alive.
tony - I got severeral good laughs out of that comment. The candle holder. I managed to craft the world's shittyest, crooked candle holder to somehow manage a D in the class. My mom, out of pure love, hung that crooked candle holder on the wall, but could never have burned a candle in it because it would have fallen out and burned the house down. Horrible memories...
Mr. Waak, call him what you want, just don't call him late for dinner!
That was his best stuff.
dools - oddly enough, I never heard him say that. I was probably cowering in fear too much to hear what he actually had to say.
What about the guys back in the welding area of Mr. Larson's class smoking a bowl because it was "covered" by the stench of the fumes? Priceless!
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