I received an e-mail from CD today alerting me to the fact that the Olympic Committee has decided to include Bigfoot (aka Sasquatch) (aka "Stink Ape") as one of their mascots for the 2010 Winter Olympics. Oddly enough, I was not aware of this. I expected, perhaps, to be consulted. But I digress. The Bigfoot mascot will be named "Quatchi." You can see a picture of Quatchi above. Here is a link to a web page about him. The description of Quatchi is as follows:"Quatchi is a young sasquatch who comes from the mysterious forests of Canada. Quatchi is shy, but loves to explore new places and meet new friends."
Ah, ok. That's cute. Apparently, he likes hockey but is a little "clumsy." It also says he likes "photography and travel." It says he is encouraging his friends to travel with him across Canada.
All of this, of course, is bullshit.
Now, don't get me wrong. I think it is very appropriate that the Olympic Committee has decided to include the Sasquatch as one of their mascots. Why shouldn't they? Some of the greatest sightings of the Stink Ape were in Canada. There are probably thousands of them roaming The Great White North as we speak (totally undetected, of course). What I want to know is how the Olympic Committee can take a proud, 9-foot-tall, 800-pound beast and turn him into that thing you see above. That is not The Sasquatch. That is an Ewok. Remember them? Ewoks were the tiny fuzzy creatures that almost single-handidly ruined the Star Wars trilogy (that is, until Jar-Jar Binks accomplished that later). Remember when the Ewoks went up against the Imperial Stormtroopers, the toughest, most well-trained killers in the universe, and managed to beat them in a battle with nothing more than some sticks and rope? Laughable.
Once again, the Sasquatch receives no respect. He's made to look like a cross between ET and a beaver and smile and wave at all the kids. And his hobbies. Traveling? Meeting friends? No way. The Sasquatch likes to devour prey, throw stones at people and be left alone. Once again, I commend the Olympic Committee for naming the Sasquatch as a mascot, but the image of the beast should be something like this:
Now that would look great on an Olympic T-shirt.
Jeff
2 comments:
I surprised no comment on the ear muffs. No way does "quatchi," the Sasquatch, Yeti, Bigfoot, Stink Ape... wear ear muffs. Blue ones at that.
I don't like our example of how Sasquatch should look like. Too similar to Peter Jackson's stink bomb of a movie called King Kong.
Free - you are 100% correct. Those earmuffs are completely sissified.
The picture that I included does look a little too "gorilla-like," but it does capture the strength and rage of the Sasquatch. It belive it is entitled "Night Howl."
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